TWELVE

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CHAPTER TWELVE:
NO GOATS WERE HARMED DURING THE MAKING OF THIS CHAPTER

Lucifer shooed the children of Odin off like a mother encouraging her children to go and make friends at a park. Thor didn't need any encouragement, he went straight for Bruce and drew the shy scientist in a conversation. Loki and Hela, however, were a different story.

"How about Stark? He seems intelligent," Lucifer offered as she and the two trouble makers stood in a corner, scanning the room for suitable candidates to converse with and if they were feeling generous, maybe even befriend.

"He's arrogant and his hair is weird," Loki grumbled and crossed his arms.

Lucifer scoffed, "Well, we've gone over everyone! There's no one left."

Hela looked at her godmother with confusion, "Why can't we just stay with you?"

"I can't be your only friend."

"Why not?"

"Are you comfortable telling me about your love life?"

"Yes," they both said.

Lucifer scoffed, "liars."

Loki cleared his throat, "Not everything. And I certainly would never discuss such things with these mortals."

"What things?"

The trio turned to look at Peter's wide eyes, beaming with excitement and innocence. They looked at each other, uncomfortable, before the silver tongue cleared his throat.

"We're talking about the recent changes in Asgard and how they've improved in the last 10000 years, slightly before my birth—"

"Like 9000 years but yeah go off, slightly."

"—so it's...interesting."

Peter breathed a choked "woah", clearly shocked about hearing about another planet entirely. "It sounds amazing!"

Lucifer ruffled his hair, "I'll take you one day."

"Really?"

"No. Maybe."

"So cool."

After that everything went surprisingly smoothly. Thor dragged Bruce to where Loki and Hela were sulking and the four started talking. The avengers had gathered on the other side of the room and were talking —clearly about them as they looked at them every 2 seconds— and so Lucifer decided to leave them be and take some time for herself to relax.

Relaxing for humans could be anything from listening to music to doing complicated yoga stuff that would make Mr. Fantastic jealous. But for Lucifer—

Well, she's not human. Let's leave it at that.

Before anyone knew what was happening, there was a goat in the kitchen, placed on an alter with candles around it while it munched on hay. Lucifer was walking around it in circles with a knife in her hand chanting something.

It was the chanting that got the their attention. Or maybe the flickering lights. Or maybe the scream of an innocent goat. Whatever it was, the avengers dashed into the kitchen thinking maybe Morgan Le Fay had somehow managed to get in and was working on a curse or some shit, while the Asgardians walked calmly, if only to make sure their godmother wasn't trying to summon Mephisto to demand her money back.

Don't ask, it was a very confusing time for everyone involved.

They were halfway to the kitchen —it's like 20 steps, why are they going slowmo— when another scream was heard.

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