THIRTEEN • Eren Jaeger

PROLOGUE

It was hopeless. Nothing was working. You've lived through twelve different lives, each one ending in disaster. This last loop — the thirteenth — was your final chance at preventing Paradis from being destroyed.

Truthfully, you were beginning to give up.

You were tired of watching the light fade from Eren's eyes, watching Armin and Mikasa grow further away from him every second. You were tired of placing yourself in dangerous situations, repeating a life full of suffering, altering the course of time into a new story so far-fetched that you were sure you were slowly descending into madness.

In the second loop, you had Commander Erwin arrest Annie, Reiner, and Bertholdt before they could be obstacles in the Scouts' way. Fail. In the seventh loop, you had Erwin take the serum instead of Armin. Fail. Each end consisted of your homeland being destroyed, and Eren never being saved.

Whenever you died, the loop would reset back to the same day: in your house in Shiganshina, on the day you first met Eren.

Nobody ever remembered the previous loops. You tried hinting a few memories specific to certain timelines, but all you received were blank stares and a threat from Levi to get taken to the infirmary. Every time you tried to tell someone you were in a time loop, your mouth would forcibly clamp shut or words on ink would mysteriously fade away.

After a while the pain of death stopped hurting and instead it was replaced by anger. Anger that you could not tell your loved ones what was really happening, what was going to happen, how you had to watch them go through pain over and over again.

The twelfth loop hurt the most. You eliminated yourself from the storyline, fading into a background character being Moblit's assistant so you could keep a close eye on everything. You watched as everything unfolded without you.

Like they didn't know you. Like they never loved you.

And it still failed.

And Eren — the fucking love of your lives — still somehow found a way to make you fall in love with him each time. Even in Twelve, where he didn't know you existed.

Now, in this thirteenth life, you decided that you had enough. Saving the world was nothing but fantasy. You were done with this psychobabble bullshit. You would just live your life as it was in the first loop.

Thirteen will be the last.

"[Name], are you alright?"

You froze. Someone snaked an arm over your shoulder and you realized it was Eren. He had noticed you were gone and followed you outside, where you were looking at the horizon.

"You look like you're about to brood."

"You're one to talk," you remarked, taking a sip of wine. "That permanent frown of yours? Doesn't look handsome on a pretty boy like you."

Eren rolled his eyes, but you could see his blush, even in the dark.

You were far more laid back, even flirty, in Thirteen. You've experienced worse consequences to your other actions.

In every loop, you never told Eren how you felt. Yet somehow he seemed to harbor some sort of strong feeling towards you, like you were biologically designed to be attracted to each other. Even in some loops where you purposefully dated other people, he still loved you. Once you even got him to hate you, and even then he got flustered by your touch and heated arguments, no matter how hard he tried not to be.

You never bothered with real romantic relationships. You knew you were not capable of allowing yourself that kind of pain.

"Listen..." Eren began. You were at the port of Paradis, getting ready for your trip to Marley tomorrow. "I was wondering — if you could stay with me tomorrow."

You hesitated. He said this to you in your first life. He had placed you in an uncomfortable situation then, prodding you to tell him how you felt, but you didn't.

"Sure," you said. "It'll be fun."

"Great. I'll need you with me."

You hated the way your heart fluttered. You tried so hard to push it away, but after thirteen lives, literal years of loving Eren, it was hard to bury your feelings. You wanted to spit it out, tell him, let everyone know that you loved him so much.

But you couldn't afford to be sidetracked. You couldn't take another poisonous arrow to the heart.

As Eren turned to leave, you called his name.

"Yeah?" he asked, spinning around to meet you. He seemed to be startled by the melancholic shine in your eyes. "What's wrong?"

"I just want you to know..."

Eren nodded, a sign for you to continue. You quieted. Maybe you really couldn't handle the cracks of a broken heart.

"...that I'll always have your back."

Eren looked slightly confused, maybe a little disappointed that you didn't say what he secretly wanted to hear. But he nodded and moved forward to hug you. Your insides ached. You were among the few people Eren ever hugged, and no matter what universe it was, he always did when he sensed you were upset.

"You must be worried," he said. "But I'm telling you not to worry about a thing."

He was lying. You knew he was.

Eren's hair was up to his shoulders, still yet to grow longer. He was an adult now, but a child at heart if he didn't grow up so fast. You hoped you could keep him like this.

As he held you in his embrace, a tear silently slid down your cheek and landed on his shirt. You didn't know what would come tomorrow, but you wished you could live in this moment now that it was the last.