THIRTEEN • Eren Jaeger

CHAPTER 8: Loop Four, II

Life went on. By this time, you'd settled into your relationship with Jean. Time made you love him in a way. You tried so hard to make Eren hate you but he never did.

When you fought, he apologized first.

When you glared, he'd turn red.

When you kissed Jean in front of him, his eyes cast a shadow in the room.

It was like drowning in quicksand. The harder you struggled, the faster you sank to your death. Anyone could see that whatever tension brewed between you and Eren was the result of unresolved emotions. Levi's snide comments and the visible discomfort of Armin and Mikasa whenever Eren had his moods were enough to prove it.

It didn't help that the tension between you and him only grew thicker, more adult.

One time, when building the railroad, you lifted a heavy plank and grunted as you passed them to Eren to nail down. Armin and Sasha chased over the water, and Mikasa busied herself lifting. You didn't have the energy to pretend like you wanted to talk to Jean, because although you cared for him, there were times when you were honest with yourself.

When you heaved as you lifted the next plank, perspiring from torpor, Eren snapped to Jean, "Shouldn't you be helping your girlfriend?"

"What, you think she can't handle herself?" Jean snapped back. "Also, aren't you the asshole who said we should train our bodies while developing the island? If you didn't want her to struggle, you should've kept your mouth shut!"

Eren's hammer slammed extra hard on the next nail he put down.

Your stomach somersaulted. Usually, Eren would direct the insult at you. Now he was directing it at Jean, like he couldn't bring himself to drag you anymore. Eren had matured a bit more in the past few years. Now he was turning into a man. And—you hated to admit it—an attractive one, at that.

You'd been in a stable relationship with Jean for years now, and you did grow to love him, but he just wasn't the boy you'd been living for.

"Calm down," you said. "I'm fine—it's good to have some more exercise while we wait for Hizuru's plans."

Jean scoffed. "You agree with this airhead?"

Connie, who had been standing next to Jean, and Mikasa, who passed with beams over her shoulder, both looked away, not wanting to be caught in the crossfire of a lovers' quarrel. Eren, however, glanced from the side as he hammered down more nails. The sweat trickling down your temples didn't help your predicament.

"I'm not taking sides with anyone," you said hotly. "I thought you knew me better than that."

You pushed away the guilt for gaslighting Jean. You never told him everything. Not like the way you were with Eren in the previous loop, with whom you were openly vulnerable.

"I'm starting to think I don't," Jean mumbled, just enough to reach yours—and unintentionally, Eren's ears. Eren's left brow rose.

You put your planks down and put on your best hurt face. "Jean..."

It was easy to be in a relationship with Jean. If you ever got into a squabble, you'd wear puppy eyes and he'd come running back to you. Now was another ripe time to weaponize his feelings. As harsh as it was, you wanted Eren to see that once you and Jean made amends, absolutely nothing could sway you to choose Eren. No matter how much you cared for him.

Jean's eyes darted from you to Eren, and a flash of real pain shone in his look before he sighed exasperatedly and turned away.

"Look, [Name], I think we should just cool off for a bit," he said. "I need time to think about some stuff."