THIRTEEN • Eren Jaeger

CHAPTER 23: Loop Twelve, III

The rest of your life essentially played out without you. It turned out that there were some things that truly just did not involve Grisell. You stood back by the beach as you watched Eren point a finger at the horizon. She hated the ocean and stayed back. Other times, you slunk in the shadows as the Marleyan volunteers arrived and secretly colluded with him. You didn't interfere.

Eren had tried talking to you more after your single interaction, but you always shut down the conversation. You were always busy and often locked the door to your laboratory. Eventually, he took the hint and left you alone, doing his best to forget about you.

Grisell didn't seem to notice the way Eren's mental health slowly declined. For what felt like the millionth time, you watched the light fade from his eyes, the green morphing into smoke.

When you left for the trip Marley, Eren left just as he did the first time. Even then, he didn't seem to pay her much attention. Without you existing in his life, he seemed much more depressed than before, like everything in his head was a meaningless void.

It pained you to see him in that way. He was disinterested in most things and moped like a teenager who thought the world was against him, which he quite literally was.

Now, he had started a war.

Your absence did not change anything. He would slaughter everything regardless. But you wondered. He did know you, in a very distant way.

Was it for you? You wondered. Even if he didn't love you now, was it still for you?

And when Grisell ended up becoming just like Floch when every nation in the world threatened Paradis, you wanted to sneer with contempt. Eren had escaped the prison, and for some reason, she felt like her first line of action would be to hostage the Survey Corps who were especially close to Hange, the first one being you as you were not in Levi's squad.

She burst into your laboratory, where you were napping through the ordeal of menial things you no longer cared about like the military's chain of command breaking, government authorities getting murdered, and the entire world threatening to flatten Paradis. It was easier to sleep than to live in the real nightmares.

You didn't exist in this universe, you were wracked with anxiety, and you had post-traumatic stress disorder from repeatedly living through these events. Running away never helped.

"Get up, this is an arrest."

You lifted your head, blinking groggily when the first object in your line of vision was the point of a black pistol. Grisell's teeth were bared with hatred, and you had a feeling it was not because you were Hange's assistant.

"Oh, this is an arrest, now?" you asked in a mocking tone. "What, do you want me to write you a lab report?"

Grisell pointed the gun at your temple.

"Another word and it's a bullet through your head," she said. "You'll understand when Eren rebuilds the Eldian Empire to its full glory."

You wanted to laugh. "You've been throwing yourself at him all this time, and he couldn't even be bothered to talk to you about this?"

"What?"

"Go on," you said, stepping closer so the gunpoint was pressing right in the middle of your forehead. "Kill me. Let's see what happens."

You'd died in many horrifying but unique ways. Getting shot in the head again would be nothing.

"Eren did tell me," she said fiercely. "I knew about the Rumbling before anyone else did, he confided in me! I helped him gather soldiers to help him, I knew about the Marleyans—"