For Shits and Giggles (complete first draft)

Chapter 28

Giggles tried to distract herself. She counted from 1 to 1000, then from 1000 back to 1. She tried to remember all of the elements on the periodic table; she listed all of the US states in alphabetical order, then she ranked each major city by population size. She was sure she'd learned all of this in high school. Giggles felt a panic attack brewing deep in her chest and breathed slowly. In through her nose, out through her mouth. Nothing could distract her from the fact that she was, once again, locked in a chest.

She tried shutting off her brain altogether; to sleep, to not think. And it worked, Giggles drifted off into a dark, dreamless slumber. Had it been hours? Days? She finally woke up to the justling of the chest. Her eyes fluttered open as she waited for Cuddles to unlock the chest and let her out. But, he never did.

In fact, Giggles recognized two voices. And neither one belonged to Cuddles' She couldn't quite make out what they were saying– quick whispers back and forth, hushed snickering. They shook the chest, kicked it. She heard them struggling to pry the lock open. Each movement made her shoulders ache. Suddenly, the chest was being lifted off the ground. 

"Help," she croaked out, her voice hoarse. Dry. "Help me, please." Giggles licked her cracked lips, her words barely making a sound.

"Holy shit," Shifty let go of the chest. It crashed onto the floor, hard.

"Dude, what the hell," Lifty frowned, letting go of his end– too heavy for him to carry on his own. That time, a soft yelp escaped the chest as Giggles' body hit the ground.

"Wait, shut up, did you hear that?"

"I heard it..."

They both stared down at the chest, wide-eyed.

"Is that..." they glanced at each other. Soon, surprise turned to opportunity. 

"It is."

"Holy shit."

"Holy shit."

—————————————

Splendid stormed out of his bedroom window into the rainy, night sky. On nights like this, where he couldn't sleep, a couple of laps around a star-spotted sky helped him clear his head. Especially after what had happened back at the Cafe. After what he had let happen at the Cafe. He'd fly from one end of town to the other, he'd hang out on random roofs or treetops. But tonight was different. There were no stars, just heavy, gray clouds.

There were hundreds of questions rattling inside his mind– at the center of each one: Giggles. He wasn't taking a leisurely float around town, he was on a mission.

The lake.

That's what Petunia had said, and that's where he was headed. He didn't know what to think about Petunia anymore; about her friendship with Giggles. If you could even call it that anymore. He wasn't sure about a lot of things– except for one. Cuddles was no good. Everything about him was off, and it went deeper than petty jealousy. Something at the core of his being was rotten. So even if Petunia couldn't be trusted, Splendid could trust his own gut. And his gut was telling him to check the lakes.

He slowed down, using the moonlight to scan between trees. He dipped down once, twice, flying over cabins that all looked the same. There was a thick blanket of rain obstructing his view; his wet hair stuck uncomfortably to his face. He heard raindrops bursting against hundreds of leaves, animals crying and croaking and running for cover. And, in the distance, a low, muffled scuffing against wet dirt.

"Hurry up," Lifty grunted, pushing the chest across the ground.

"I'm trying," Shifty groaned, his sneakers skidding against mud. He pulled with both hands, but struggled to gain traction, "It's slippery."

The plan was simple. They knew it was Sniffles who would pay the most money for Giggles. And so, that's who they phoned first. There was no car, no way to open the chest, and no practical way to carry the chest back to the facility. Instead, they would drag the chest far enough from the cabin. Hide it somewhere in the woods until Sniffles could come and collect Giggles, figure out how to open the chest himself. All they had to worry about was finding a good hiding spot, and collecting their bounty afterward.

Until, Splendid landed right in front of them.

"You two," he snarled. "What are you doing here?"

They stopped moving simultaneously, turning to him like deer in headlights.

"Oh, hey. Funny meeting you here," Lifty slowly raised his hands in compliance, glancing at the chest for half a second, then back to Splendid. A while back, Giggles had stopped pleading. Maybe she'd fallen asleep, or gotten tired, or simply just died. They didn't care, at least she was being quiet now.

"Talk," Splendid narrowed his eyes, a red glow illuminating the raindrops in front of his eyes. He looked at the chest.

"Oh— this old thing," Lifty grinned nervously, "Our latest lick."

"What's inside," he frowned, walking a circle around them and ending back in the same spot. They eyed him cautiously but didn't dare move. 

"We don't know," Lifty said, his hands still up.

"We don't know," Shifty repeated.

Splendid wasn't convinced.

"It's locked you see," Lifty said as he gestured to the chest with one open palm, his other still high in the air. "You can check for yourself."

"Check for yourself." Added Shifty.

They exchanged anxious glances as Splendid kneeled in front of the chest. They gulped, prayed Giggles stayed quiet. Stayed dead.

But Giggles was not, in fact, dead. She was saving her breath. She didn't know what Lifty and Shifty were planning. But as soon as she heard the heavy rain pattering on top of the chest, she knew she was outside. Outside meant away from the cabin– away from Cuddles. Wherever they were taking her, it had to be better than here. So she relaxed, waited patiently for whatever was coming next. She heard someone pulling on the lock again, then she felt the chest shaking back and forth. Giggles groaned in pain, hadn't they already given up on trying to open it?

"Fine," Splendid acquiesced after confirming that the chest was indeed locked. "Who does it belong to?"

"We don't know," said Lifty.

"We don't know," repeated Shifty.

"If it's locked up like that, whatever is in it must be worth thousands," Lifty continued.

Shifty licked his lips and cracked a grin, "Thousands."

"We're going to sell it."

"Sell it."

Splendid stood from the chest, looking them up and down, "So... you broke into some random cabin, took this random chest, and are going to sell it?"

They both nodded. They knew Splendid was still suspicious of them, but this was exactly the type of lie that would fool him– a half-lie. It was completely in character for them.

"Won't you let it slide," Lifty clasped his hands together, tauntingly.

"Just this once," Shifty added, clasping his own hands together. They poked out their lower lips, tilted their heads, and fluttered their lashes.

Splendid could see right through their irritating charade.

"I don't have time for this," he hissed. "Do whatever you want–"

Suddenly, very, very, extremely faintly, Splendid heard a muffled screaming.

"The wind is so loud, isn't it?" Lifty piped up quickly.

"So loud, howling tonight," Shifty added, projecting his voice loudly.

But Splendid recognized that scream anywhere.

He flew passed Lifty and Shifty at a speed only light could surpass; next thing they knew, both Splendid and the chest were gone.

"Nuts," sighed Lifty.

"Nuts." Sighed Shifty.