Asta Silva - Childhood and travel

Chapter 19

<Nozel>

I sighed, looking out of the window. I finished all of today's paperwork and had plans to go to the cementery.

I got up from the armchair and went out of the room, grabbing white roses from on top of the dresser on the way. When I opened the door, Solid was standing behind it.

"Nozel-niisama" he started, but I ignored him and went to the exit.

Since Asta's death I wasn't able to talk to him and Nebra, nor look at them for more than five minutes. I know it's not their fault. It's mine. It was I who ignored Asta after his mother's death, I neglected him, I let Solid and Nebra bully him and didn't stop them. I didn't keep an eye on him, when he went out that day. My beloved was probably turning in her grave, seeing how I treated him. Immense guilt was crushing me since that day. I visited him everyday, even when I had a busy schedule. Someone else also visited him, but I don't know who. It's possible there's two of them, since everyday there were two kinds of fresh flowers. Three if you count mine. I didn't care much about who it was, but I was curious.

Yet when I went there, the most important thing to me was to talk to my son. I don't know if he's listening or if he will ever forgive me. But love him and I will do so forever.

I tightened my grip on the flowers, seeing a maid standing in front of the grave.

"What are you doing here?" I growled.

I forbid maids to tend to the grave. I wanted to do it myself. It was the least I could do.

"Oh, Nozel-sama. I came here to visit Asta-sama, I looked after him... In the tower" she said slowly.

I won't lie, the reminder about the tower hurt. I almost flinched.

"Go now" I said lowly.

I wanted to be alone with my son and wife, who laid beside.

When I was finally alone, I sighed.

"Hi love, hi son" I started quietly.

***

<Gryphon>

I observed the human child since the day that he saved me. His life was... interesting, and the child was incredibly reckless. One time I had to save him, when he fell off a cliff. Luckily, or not, he lost consciousness so he didn't know it was me. A few other times I also had to save him discreetly. To be honest, I became attached to him. I felt that I was his animal guide. When I looked at him I felt a bond connecting us and I felt I had to protect him. But my insticts won and I ran away.

I'm lucky that humans don't feel that bond. Unfortunately most humans exploited animals that bonded with them, so it's rare to see these days to see an animal stay with a human. But he was different. I never saw him hurt anyone without a cause. Additionally he emanated an aura of... kindness. It's probably why others clung to him.

But it doesn't change the fact that he was horribly reckless. Sometimes I thought that he doesn't care about his life at all. One I caught him sitting on the edge of a cliff and pondering. He looked sad, which unsettled me. It was the first time I saw him like that. I was mad. When I find the one that made him that way, they will pay.

***

<Fuegoleon>

I watched for afar as Nozel kneeled before Asta's grave, as per daily. I worried about him. It was almost a year before, but he still behaved like it was yesterday. I was also immensly sad, but it was time to move on. But Nozel went to the grave even after midnight, if he had a busy day. Often I had to carry his unconscious body home.

Not only his. Leopold also came here everyday. Sometimes I even saw that Vaude boy. I knew that he was here daily, mainly because he always left behind violet lilies.

I observed him from afar, to give him some space, but I have to talk to him. I can't let my rival shrivel up like that before my eyes.

"Nozel" I called, coming closer. The silver-haired man turned to face me.

"Fuegoleon. What are you doing here?" he asked softly.

"We need to talk" I said firmly.

"About what? Did something happen at home?" he sighed, getting up.

"No. I want to talk about Asta and your behavior" Silva stiffened up momentarily.

"What do you want to talk about?" He was irritated.

"You can't grieve forever" I sighed. "I know that it's hard, but it's been a year"

"It's my son" he hissed, glaring at me.

"I know that. I know that you love him, but beating yourself up like that won't bring him back, or make you feel better. Do you think Asta would like to see you in this state?" I asked, hoping that it hit deep.

"Yes" I looked at him with surprise. "I was a horrible father to him. Of course he despised me. He had every right to do so" He croaked, fists clenched at his sides.

"You're wrong" I said decidedly. When he opened his mouth I cut in. "Even if you were a bad father and Asta should hate you, he wouldn't. He loved you. That's why he withstanded so much. Do you really think that if he hated you, he would stay here? He could've come to us, but he didn't want to. Mom suggested it to him before, but he wanted to be closer to you. Even if you hurt him, stop blabbering nonsense that he hated you" I saw tears in Nozel's eyes. "I'm sure, that if he's looking down at us now, that he would agree with me, and then punch you in the face for what you're doing to your health" I took a deep breath to calm myself. "I know the pain won't go away. Not now, not tommorow, not ever. But Asta would want you to be happy"

Nozel started crying. I hugged him, and stroked his back while he sobbed in my arms. I hope that he will return to his normal self soon.