I Thought I Would Never Love You

Chapter 1: The Beginning

Summary:

Zee Pruk Panich has dedicated his life to being the best of the best. As the youngest Fire Chief in all of Bangkok, his career is on track, and his course is set. That is until a person from his past claims a promise he made four years ago. This was not the first time this man made him rethink his priorities.
NuNew Chawarin Perdpiriyawong crashed into Zee's life more than once. On their second meeting, he made the promise in the spur of the moment. The power of pinky promise with a stamp? This man was making him rethink everything he ever thought his life would be. Nhu declares he is his white moonlight. Was Nhu his?

Notes:

Excerpt
"I am sorry, Nhu, I am. You had just turned eighteen and just started university. I only made that promise because your pain ripped my heart out. You had just told your parents you were gay and were unsure if they would accept it. They were out of town then but rushed back when I called about the fire. I didn't think the promise would matter after that, or I wouldn't have promised. I wanted to comfort you, never to hurt you. You needed me, and I wanted to be there for you. I don't know why it mattered so much to me. I never analyzed my feelings about that night. Please believe me, I think you are an amazing person, and it is a privilege to have met you. You are so unique and special and unlike anyone I have ever known," Zee looked up and saw his crew watching out the windows with a worried look.

His crew loved Nhu. They begged him not to do this, to take the time to evaluate his feelings. They said he was blind, but he thought they were delusional. There was no deviation from his life plan. Nothing can get in the way, even Nhu. He didn't have time to cultivate a relationship.

"This is about me, not about anything else. I am a man who is duty-bound to his country and its people. I want us to be the best of the best. Having any distractions will not help me accomplish that. You are a huge distraction. The promise I made was to hold you until your parents arrived. I didn't think you would take it seriously. I didn't understand the power of the promise with a stamp would mean so much to you, let alone remember it," each word he spoke was like a knife to his heart. Still, he needed to be clear so there were no misunderstandings.

All Zee saw was tears running down Nhu's face. His face reminded him of a deer in headlights. He screwed up this time. He knew this conversation would be complicated, but he didn't expect the devastating pain written all over Nhu's face, not to mention his pain building with each word.

He never wanted to tell the person who gave him so much of himself these things. He wanted him to smile at him, do something. What did he do? Why did he feel this way? Why did this hurt so bad? Did he care for him and never realize it?

Did he love him? If he did, he needed to try to fix this, but Nhu's face changed. His eyes became steel, his posture was rigid, and his resolve wasn't there before.

"Hia, no, Zee, no, dammit, Mr. Panich. Please do not call me Nhu. You don't get to call me something so special anymore. My name is Chawarin, no I am Mr. Perdpiriyawong to you. You lost the right to think you could be so familiar with me. I have loved you since the day I saw your light shine on my face, and you appeared dirty and scratched and beautiful. No, I loved you when I met you all those years ago in class. My heart burst in my chest, and I knew. Someday you were mine. Then we met again. You showed up again like an angel who came to save me in my time of need. I took a long time reevaluating that night to make sure it was not hero worship and the time we had in class. Making sure there was no hero worship and that I fell in love with you at first sight so long ago, regardless of the circumstances. You threw the years I spent loving you back in my face and didn't flinch. There was no hesitation that you would throw me and my love away so easily. There is no regret medicine in this world. You will always be my white moonlight. Goodbye, Mr. Panich. I will send a new representative from my company to complete the contract. We don't want to make it awkward or difficult for each other. Let's not meet again in this or any different lifetime," Zee watched Nhu turn, square his shoulders, and walk out of his life.