Inside the Antagonist's Heart

Chapter 15: INSIDE MY HEART

15. INSIDE MY HEART 15.

***
"Mom, why did you do that?" I asked her, almost crying.
"I called the school earlier so that they can prepare your permit to transfer to international school right away. I don't want to take care of it at the last minute. Aside from that, I don't know how long the processing might be so it's better." she explained.
"I still have 2 and a half months left. You can do that in November or late October. We're in the middle of September mom, it's really too early."
"It's just a notice, Angel, you don't have to worry. You can still go to school until October." she explained.
"October? What happened to November and the month after that?"
"The earlier you drop out the better! So your Dad and I decided to move the date a month earlier. We are going on November 3"
"You can't do this to me! It's so unfair!!" I screamed.
"As I can see you now? It would be harder for you if you drop out in October. I suggest you drop out now!"
"No, I'm not dropping anything!!! This is my life not yours!!!!"
"Angel! Watch your tone! I don't know how you'd change like that and I don't like it. Did something happen in the past few months? You're not shy anymore! You joined Judo, you're always late at class, you even attended parties that you don't even bother going to before." she shouted at me. I was shocked and speechless about what she told me I cried. Then she moved closer to me and touched my cheeks.
"Of course not all that happened to you were bad, some of it were good actually, you learned how to socialize and create more friends. You speak with confidence now." my mom stated. "We are also happy and quite sad for you, because we can see that you are starting to enjoy your life here and I feel guilty of taking them all away from you." My Dad added.

I never noticed it all. I did really change. I hugged my mom and Dad to apologize.

"Mom, Dad, I'm so sorry I screamed at you! Maybe I'm just growing up. I don't know what's happening to me!"
"I think so too! It's good, really. Change is the only constant thing in the world honey. You just have to be aware of your own changes. If you're changing for the better, excellent! But if you're changing for the worse, don't worry, you can still change it. Growing up is about discovering what you can do and having the courage to do it. It's also about accepting the things that you can't change, and learning from your mistakes and owning it. You are still in the process of it Angel, there's gonna be more changes in the road."

That night, I couldn't sleep. The change that happened to me has done so much better for myself but worse to other people. I hurt all the people that cared for me. Everyone. Everything is all my fault.

I'd been thinking if I'd been a good friend to D and Jessie. I haven't talked to D for months and I feel guilty about unconsciously ignoring and forgetting that she's my very best friend. I feel worse for Jessie. I lied to her, put her in trouble and the worst part, stole her boyfriend.

Gio, he loves me but I just hurt him back. I never deserve his love. I never deserve Dan's love either. I deserve to be alone. I'm so cruel, mean and selfish. I didn't care about what my classmates would feel when I shuffled our class. I didn't care about what would happen to D and our friendship when I did that. When I sent the message that blamed Jessie for everything, I didn't even apologize or tell her the truth. All I care about is my feelings and nothing more. I didn't even consider Dan's feelings when I planned everything. Even though I know now that he loves me too, I don't think that I can accept that anymore. I should just keep my feelings in place of the things that I've done.

Thinking of all that stuff, I thought that I should do something good now. I already decided that I should stop now and correct the mistakes that I did to everyone.

The very next day, I went to the school, straight to the principal's office to confess to him what really happened to Tricia and Mina. I told him how I did it and that all of it was my fault. At first, he doubted it but he soon believed it and for that he told me that I would be suspended for what I did. I didn't accept it, I deserve something worse. So I offered him something more, and he agreed. I stepped out of the principal's office but before I left St. James, I went to my most favorite place. The place that I would surely miss when I go.

"Men, I'm really going to miss this!"

What is done is done, I can't take it back anymore. By now, the news about my confession must have spread to the whole school. I should leave now before anyone sees me.

"Gel!! Angel Montecillo!!!!" someone screamed from behind me.

I couldn't go wrong, she's the only person who called me by that name. It's D.

"Angel! You suck!! Why did you confess to the principal!!! He will never know it if you didn't tell him!!!!"
"What to do? I already did it!" I said with a little humor in my voice.
"Did you hit your head? How about your plan? If they found out about what happened, not only Tricia and Mina, but every Junior student would hate you!"
"I still have a week to apologize to everyone!"
"A week? Are you suspended or something?? You can't be kicked out, I'm very sure of it....."

I didn't let her finish.

"I'm dropping off with permission D! But it will be effective after 7 days so I still have a week here in school" I smiled at her.
"You are dropping off? Why? You can't do that? What are you really thinking! If you do that? You cannot graduate."
"I'm going to Canada with my parents soon that's why I'm dropping off." I finally said it. What a relief.
"Canada? Soon? How soon?" she asked me.
"Let's see? The date should be December 26 but my parents moved it to November 3."
"Why did you didn't tell me earlier?"
"Because I'm a bad friend D. I ignored and pushed you aside. You were the best and supportive friend that any person could ask for but I just pushed you away and I.... I'm sorry! I'm really sorry!" I started to cry. D hugged me and started crying too.
"Angel, you are not lost anymore! Welcome back!"