Neverending

4

This was the weekend I was going to have the conversation.

You know: The one where you ask a girl who's stratospherically out of your league whether she'll Twin with you.  Ok, it was on the early side but only by about fourteen days.  Much more than that and our relationship – tracked as it is – would be brought to City Hall anyway.  City Hall would send us that comm and we'd have to split.  Or Twin.  And we'd only have 48 hours to decide.

Juliette knows the drill every bit as much as I do but there's an etiquette around it – a man must tread carefully. Every gen has its relationship conventions: This much I did pay attention to in year one Ethics.  Much like the Three Date Rule that used to be a thing, back when my grandparents were (good God) getting it on.  Twinning isn't something to be taken lightly, which is why guys like me end up single for long periods of time.  Almost comically long, if there was anything funny about having no-one to take to the movies or wake up and have coffee with.

The law of the land is literally ruining my (love) life.

I try her phone again.  It rings out.  I'm beginning to believe that it's not capable of any noise other than the one it's currently emitting; one that I'm getting depressingly used to.  I'm struggling to believe there was ever a time when Juliette actually answered her phone.  Her lilting voice, like an echo in my heaven-bound heart.

'Where are you?' I ask the continuous ringing, trying to ignore the frankly pathetic pleading tone in my voice.  I glance at a nearby road sign that tells me I'm seven kilometres away from the highway.  That's good.  

I almost crash the car when my phone rings.

'Sebastian!' I half shout, as my adrenaline dissipates as quickly as it flooded my veins.  It's not her.  'Where are you?  What's going on?  Are you with Susie?'

'Yeah, yeah!  She's right here next to me.' Sebastian sounds more relaxed than I would expect.

'Is the world still ending?' I ask, faint with hope.  I hold my breath until his reply comes.

'''Fraid so, buddy.  Or near as dammit.'

My heart sinks back into the place that's become the new normal – rebounding between the world's end and the relationship's end.  Neither is a welcome state of affairs.

'Tinder?  You ok?' Sebastian's voiced is raised above the sound of Blink 182's I Miss You.  Jesus, Suzie loves that shit.  Despite myself, I smirk.  Seb'll be wearing a Greenday t-shirt any day now.

'I'm good.  Well, I'm pretty terrible.  But, you know, all things considered.'  I honestly don't even know what I'm saying.  I'm blethering.  'Juliette, though.  I... can't get hold of her.  She's not picking up.' My voice trails off before it starts to crack - with worry or with the anticipation of a heartbreak I'm just not ready to bear - I'm not sure.

There's a pause at the other end.  Tom Delonge sings at me, telling me not to waste my time.  'She'll be ok, man.'  Sebastian doesn't sound completely sure but his deep and brotherly timbre feels reassuring anyway.  'It's getting a bit crazy out there.  There could be a hundred reasons why she hasn't called you.  It's a flipping miracle the networks are still up.'  As if on cue, his voice starts to fade and the sounds becomes intermittent.  

'Seb?  Sebastian, can you hear me?'  I'm glancing between my phone and the road, as if looking at the thing will help me to hear better.

'... Dude.  Just hang in there.  Juliette's nothing if not resourceful.'  His voice is clearer now, so much so that I sense something there that I don't fully want to understand.  I tuck the thought away.  I have enough to worry about.  'Look, we're heading to Terrafirme.  Can you meet us there?  Jim has a place.'

'I...' Of course I should go there.  Terrafirme is one of the safest places in the country.  Probably one of the only safe places right now.  And it's a generous offer: I know Jim will treat me as kin because Sebastian is like family.  Is family.

But, Juliette.  

'Tinder?'

'Seb... Amazing, thank you.  I just – I just need to go find Juliette first, ok?'

Another pause.  This time, I imagine Susie and Seb exchanging glances.  Neither of them has said as much, and never would, but I think they both suspect that Juliette won't be a long-term thing, even if she agrees to Twin.  And I'm not just sitting here with a love-crazed, sex-induced delusion of her grandeur (though I acknowledge that both of those states have influenced many of my decisions in the run up to my current twenty-seven years).  It's generally accepted that the girl is kinda out of my league.  And that our relationship likely has a shelf life.  As in, a fresh-foods versus tinned-foods type longevity.

'Yep.  Sure!  I get it.  Just... stay safe, keep sharing your spot and get to Terrafirme as soon as you can.  I'm sending over Jim's spot now, ok buddy?  And listen:  Juliette is going to be fine.'

The road ahead is starting to waver as though some type of sonic boom is distorting the landscape before me.  Will she be fine?  Will we be fine? I'm aware that the end of the world and its effects on my relationship is probably the last thing I should be preoccupied with. But that concept of 'we' has come to mean so much to me, despite only having laid eyes on Juliette for the first time sixty-six days ago.

What the fuck is wrong with the road?

Then I realise there's nothing wrong with the road.  

It just appears to be fragmenting through the onset of my tears.