Neverending

5

I'm so preoccupied with a zillion thoughts that I almost miss the turning for Lincoln. I swing a hard left, bumping over road dividers as I go, trying to slow the car to a safe enough speed to take the forever curving road off the highway without barrelling through the safety barriers. Nobody wants to be the guy who perishes in the apocalypse under such mundane circumstances.

I'm about fifteen minutes from Juliette's apartment, assuming the traffic Gods are kind. I've done this drive only once before so I'm relying on Delta, rather than good old-fashioned memory, to get me there. We were always being told at school to use your memories because of that spate of brain atrophy studies back in 2041 but to be honest, we're all so goddam lazy, I can't imagine anyone deleting Delta, no matter how many times City Hall 'suggest' it. I start tapping my fingers on the steering wheel. 'Come on...' I'm muttering as each light stares at me, obstinately red for an age longer than absolutely necessary. I think about Terrafirme as I drive through vaguely familiar streets. I know very little more than their constant promos on CrakCube: A halcyon Eden, all freshwater lakes and wholesome activities. Organic trainers. You get the idea. Still, it one hundred percent sounds like exactly the sort of place I would want to be right now because Terrafirme has the most extensive Bioforme campus this side of the planet (Japan's Infineite is larger, has much better tech and is, of course, more stylish). It's widely suspected that Matt Turin funded most of it with a bit of spare change he likely found down the back of his figurative calfskin sofa. That guy. Anyway, as much as I can't stand the sight/sound of him, I'm practically sending prayers to the jerk for funding a Bioforme so close to my home county, acutely aware that my other options and – let's be honest – chances of survival are not what you'd call good odds.

Waymore-Donna-Sebastian-Jim-me... This loops around my head as I glance periodically at the darkening sky through each car window, trying to gauge whether it's my paranoia or impending meteorological meltdown that's causing the unsettling light levels. I'm aware that my future, my (and I'm going to be dramatic here) very survival depends upon the links I have with these people and the tenuous circumstances that caused us to move in the same Earthly spheres as one another in the first place. It feels cheap to be so immensely relieved to have been offered a safe haven simply because the chips happened to fall unknowingly in my favour the day I met Sebastian. I can't help but think of my poor, hapless neighbours and I feel a ping in my heart, hoping that Mr Mishiyagi is on his way to his sister's right now. I'm pretty sure the rest of his family is over in Connolly which is probably as good a bet as you're gonna get, outside of Terrafirme and Infineite. I hope I'll see him again someday.

I catch myself thinking wistfully of this future, realising that I don't feel super confident I'll see anyone I've ever known ever again. Lincoln is only about a hundred kilometres from Terrafirme so, barring the apocalypse arriving unfashionably early to the party, I should at least still have Seb and Susie. And Juliette, of course.

Delta prompts me to take the second right, cheerfully announcing that I am now reaching "your girlfriend's house". I thought this was VERY CUTE when I asked Delta to tag these co-ordinates. Now, though, it feels presumptuous, a little unearned and even, perhaps, fate-tempting. I almost had a Tom-Cruise-Oprah-Sofa moment the first time Juliette called me her boyfriend. I just about managed to maintain some semblance of relaxed casual, remembering anecdotally that Juliette does not take kindly to clingy, over-enthusiastic suitors. Being the Clingiest Man in the West, I had to surpress every natural urge not to literally WHOOP!! in her beautiful, frowning face, instead cracking a pretty wide grin.  It's funny how, during one of the most memorable and wonderful moments of my life to date, Juliette was quite annoyed.

But these, my friend, these are the things that I love about her. I almost shake myself with the slender yet sledgehammering weight of the realisation that I do.  I love her.  Of course I do, I reflect. I've thought of nothing and done nothing but race to find her, be with her, the minute I heard Earth's good times might be coming to a close. Sure, Donna and Seb flashed through my mind, it goes without saying. But Juliette is new to me. Our relationship is fresh out of the packet but my depth of feeling... It's like every cell in my body is being constantly drawn to every cell in hers.

Delta wakes me from my reverie.

"We're here!" she proclaims, more jolly than seems appropriate, given the circumstances.

I slow down, pulling the car up to the kerb. I look at the Dix Blue door framed by pristine white wooden cladding that wraps around the whole house. The brass door knocker that is a pair wings. Now that I'm here, I'm near paralysed. What if she's not here?

Get out of the car, Tinder, I tell myself. Go.

My feet hit the pavement and I hear the car lock itself behind me. My legs feel numb as I walk towards Juliette's front door. I feel sick, dread and adrenaline mixing a furious cocktail around my thumping heart. Am I nervous because I think she won't be there or am I nervous because I think that she is and I don't know how I'm going to react to either? I have done nothing but think of her and call her since this all kicked off and she has done... Nothing.

I catch myself, reminding myself that now is not a time to be pandering to my fragile ego. Yes, I've always been the more proactive of the two of us but that's the way it goes when you're partnering out of your league. Or when you're hopelessly in love. But when I am with Juilette, it feels right. It's not just her beauty – though, truly, I could wax lyrical about that all day – but when we met, we talked. And as we talked, I found myself fascinated by everything that came out of her mouth whilst at the same time being hyper-aware that everything and everyone else was fading into the background like some low budget extras and this girl – this person right here in front of me – this was the one I was supposed to stay with. And so I did what I could to make sure that this chance encounter didn't just turn into the little daydream of the exceptionally vibrant girl I once had a chat with in Tasse Papier. It would have been a bright and exciting daydream, a good one to revisit whilst I waited for the coffee to percolate. But it was too good for that, you know? It took a boldness and courage I wasn't sure I had to shift the world on its axis so that that shimmering future daydream became a real and solid possibility, right at that moment. I leaned over and wrote my number on her cup in turquoise Sharpie, adding a little sun symbol next to it. Cute, she had said as she picked up her drink to leave. I raised my eyebrows at her and waved as she left, the chime of a small bell signalling her exit. I watched her dark hair merge into the outside foot traffic until I could no longer see it. I wondered if I'd see her again.

And here I was, wondering the same thing.