Memory Lane

Epilogue

"You, of course, are a rose. But were always a rose." -Robert Frost

Memory Lane: Epilogue

Laura POV - 4 years later

It's been five years since I've lost my parents.

Every day has gotten easier, but that hole in my heart has never filled back up. It remains empty, healing itself agonizingly slowly. Of course, even after all this time, a part of me wonders if the slow healing is because the one person that may have helped me fill it is the one that made the hole twice the size.

It took me the first two years to gain the courage to ride in the car with someone else and give up that control. Actually, it was because of Kendall and Allen. Before we left for college, the two of them worked with me nearly every day that summer to help me gain the confidence to ride with Allen at the wheel. Then, when I let him drive me without having a major panic attack, I let Kendall.

It was bittersweet to overcome my step three with them. I always thought Jesse would be the one to help me past that hurdle. But then, I think about how I would have overcome my fear in the very truck that caused it and the bittersweet feelings vanish. In their place, anger and guilt. I knew it would take time for those feelings to go away when I thought of Jesse.

Once I walked away after that day on the driveway, Jesse sunk back into his shell. The rest of senior year was incredibly hard. The only people that knew why Jesse and I went from so happy to suddenly acting like strangers were our closest friends. To the rest of the school, it must have seemed like night and day. It was night and day. But, that's what devastating news can do to you.

We avoided each other. A few longing looks in the hallway throughout the year were the only inclination that there had ever been something between us.

Jesse never came out anymore. No more pool at The Oven Bird and certainly no parties. He didn't even come to watch the door on the weeks it was meant to be his turn. He only showed up at school, went to class, and then went home right after.

I missed him. I miss him every day. But when I thought about giving in to that desire to be with him, it sent me into a panic all over again. I was almost disgusted with myself for wanting him. I meant what I said to him that day on the driveway; I don't blame Jesse. How could I after learning that him taking the wheel and calling 911 is what saved me?

But deep in my heart, I knew it wouldn't work out between us if I didn't take the time to process everything. I was searching for someone to place all of my heartache and anger on; and perhaps unfairly, those feelings ended up on Jesse's shoulders.

I just didn't realize it would take me so long to process through my emotions, but it felt like losing my parents all over again when I found out.

Going away to college helped. I made new friends at Virginia Tech while making sure to keep in touch with Quinn and Kendall. They came to visit a few times, attending football games and going downtown. I dated a few guys here and there, but most were just a small fling (as is the college way). I had a fun college career.

As much as I love Blacksburg, every year I make sure to take the plane home to make it back to Bennington on January 8th. After that first year and overcoming my step three, I knew I had to find what my step four was. It took some time to find it, since I lost motivation, but eventually it came at the second anniversary of the crash. My step four was making the trip on Memory Lane back to the very spot that changed my life forever.

It was the first time I noticed the makeshift memorial, decorated with a beautiful array of flowers. Petunias. My mom's favorite flower, and they used to be mine. Each year, there's even a small display of sorts made from autumn maple leaves.