Solace

|4| forced

Note - This chapter contains detail description of Anxiety it can triggering for some. Don't read further if you have Anxiety.

~ N I D H I ~

Sulekha Aunty's words landed like an unexpected punch. I had no inkling that this was the crucial discussion she had alluded to. A wave of cold shock enveloped me, and I felt as though, I might collapse at any moment. Palpitations gripped my heart, and the news proved to be an unwelcome surprise, robbing the very air from my lungs, leaving me breathless.

Fresh from a recent breakup, the idea of diving into a new relationship was the last thing on my mind. My entire being was pulsating with electric jolts, signaling my unpreparedness for such revelations.

With unsteady steps, I made my way to my room, conscious of the gaze of onlookers, especially my mother, who shot me an angry glare. However, in that moment, her disapproval mattered little to me.

Upon entering my room, my legs wobbled, and I hastily sank onto my bed. Tremors coursed through my entire body, uncontrollable shakes accompanied by profuse sweating. Despite taking deep breaths, it felt as if oxygen eluded my lungs, as though survival itself hung in the balance.

In an attempt to manage my escalating anxiety, I reached for my medication. As I was on the verge of taking a pill, my mother opening the door with a jerk, hurried into the room, seizing the bottle from my grasp. Due to the open lid, some pills spilled onto the floor.

I made a futile attempt to retrieve them, but she thwarted my efforts, refusing to relinquish the pills.

The intensity of my anxiety had reached an unbearable level, manifesting as a painful lump in my throat. Despite falling from my bed, I was strangely impervious to physical pain. The all-consuming anxiety made it nearly impossible to concentrate.

"PPPlease leave meee," I managed to articulate. Crawling towards her, I reached for her feet, but she promptly took a step back. When I grabbed a pill from the ground in an attempt to find some relief, she pressed her foot onto my hand. Strangely, I felt no pain, my anxiety overriding any physical sensations. My entire focus was on obtaining those pills, each breath a struggle. Just then, accidentally, I released my bladder.

"Yuckkkkk," she exclaimed, the moment she discerned that I had relieved myself.

"Give me," I implored.

"Mumma, please," I pleaded, tears streaming down my face. My body weakening further.

In response, she erupted into a tirade.

"You will not die, I know. First, you will kill us all, and then you will die. You will not die like this. Why the hell did you come like that? You had such a great chance. I am telling you, Nidhi, if you don't say yes to this proposal, I won't let you live here. And this time, even your father won't be able to save you."

With those words, she tossed the pills towards me. Swiftly, I gathered them and swallowed some in desperation.

After taking the pills, I collapsed on the floor, in the mess, I accidentally created, uncertain of how much time had passed. Inhaling and exhaling, I attempted to steady my breath. Although my anxiety pills typically took twenty minutes to take effect, it felt like an agonizingly long hour on this occasion.

As the medication began to kick in, I became aware that my clothes were drenched with sweat. Struggling to stand, I leaned on the bed and the couch for support. Trembling violently, I staggered towards the washroom.

Beneath the shower, I turned on the water and stood beneath it, fully clothed. The cascading water provided a momentary escape. When standing became unbearable, I sank to the floor, letting the water envelop me. Uncontrollable sobs wracked my body, my heart aching as I silently wept. The duration of my tears remained unknown, a profound and overwhelming release of emotions.