Mirrored

Chapter 9 - Ryosuke

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"Not everything in the heart can be said,

so God created sighs, tears, long sleep, cold smiles and shivering hands."

         - Nizar Quabbani

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The human mind is a complicated thing. Feelings are a complicated thing.

Kaya pretends to be mean so that her sister, Hikari would hate her. Hikari does the exact same thing for reasons I could only imagine where similar or the same.

But when I receive a call from Hikari that Kaya had left her house to presumably go to Kenji's grave, I was already out the door.

Kaya may go over to the graveyeard more often than any other person I knew but the reasons why she went were quite limited.

One, she missed him.

Two, she goes asking if she could go over to him.

Today, the reason was number two, and I hated it.

I wanted nothing more than to crush those thoughts away into specks that can't even be seen under the standard microscope. Scratch that, I want to crush those thoughts away into absolute nothingness and I was certain Kenji would think the same. He protected and sacrificed his life so that she would live and I sure as hell will make sure she does just that. Live.

Twirling my sake cup, I continue to observe the dreary weather and endless scenery of just trees. I wasn't quite sure what prompted me to purchase this plot of land and build this mansion. Hidden away from normal society and our world. Filled with the only sounds of nature, the wind, the rustling of leaves, the birds and the like.

Looking or hearing those kinds of things don't usually calm me like most people do but for some reason, I liked it. The peace, the quiet, the emptiness of it all. It felt right. Especially with her in it.

"No! Move! No!" Her voice screams out in agony from the opposite end of the building. Her words echoes against the walls in a way I knew all too well. The trapped feeling, the cries that go unheard, the scenarios and realities that'll never change regardless of how hard you try to modify it to create a new ending.

I make my way over to where she slept and open the door, finding her tangled between the sheets, her breathing ragged, sweat beading against her forehead, tears spilling from her lids every now and then as she continues to mouth out the following.

"Move. . .  Kenji you need to move . . . no . . . no . . .  move . . . no. . . don't leave me. . . no. . . "

I wasn't new to witnessing nightmares. Nightmares that are often so severe sometimes you avoid the idea of sleeping altogether. Minori used to do that and sometimes popped sleeping pills like candy which can often worsen her mood and overall health.

Normally I would wake up the person. They were usually subjected to these nightmares most nights and it would be better to end it for them, forcefully.

But it had been a while since I have seen her in this state. I would have imagined it would have improved or at least the duration in which she suffers would be shortened. That was the case with most people including Minori. She still sees them from time to time, but it has lessened significantly.

However, it seems that wasn't the case for her.

"Please . . . p-please don't . . . leave me . . . No! No! . . . I'm sorry. . . I-I'm so, so sorry. . . no . . .s-sorry . . . I should have . . . I should . . ."

I didn't want to hear the rest anymore.

I take seat on the edge of the bed and firmly hold onto her arms. People tend to thrash and hurt themselves when they wake up from nightmares. Or at least Minori did.

"Kaya, wake up," I shake her as another stimulant to wake her. But it only seems to worsen her state, her whole face scrunches, and she once again, begins to scream. I didn't really ever mind her screaming at me but her screaming because she was suffering wasn't something I wanted to hear.

"Kaya, wake up," I repeat and it does the job. Or at least physically.

Her eyes open wide, and she was seeing something that wasn't me. Her breath gets hitched in her throat and her whole body stiffens in my hold.

"I . . . I'm sorry Mom," she sobs. "I'm so sorry. I was wrong. I should've died. I-I'm so sorry."

It takes everything within me not to react. I can't even get rid of her mother because the girl in front of me would suffer even further. I can't even understand how her mother was even capable of making her feel this way, my mother would never dare.

Taking a deep breath to calm myself, I call out to her. "Kaya, it's me. Ryo."

"Ryo?" She whispers, her face contorting into that of a mixture of relief and pain.

"Yes," I slide my arm underneath her shoulders and back and bring her up into a sitting position so I could see her face more clearly. Her eyes were red, and her eyelids were a little swollen, her cheeks were flushed, and her hair was tangled and sticky from the thrashing and tears.

"Do you want me to bring you water?"

She shakes her head.

"Do you want to take a shower?"

She shakes her head again.

"What would you like to do?"

She looks away from me which I hated more than I should, but she leans in closer and lightly rests her head against my chest and just stays there.

Minori did that often too. She never explained to me why she did it or why it made her feel calm, but I assumed it brings them a sense of safety. Or the feeling that they aren't alone. Either way, I didn't mind the action, it wasn't uncomfortable, nor did it feel odd in any way so if that makes them feel better I just let them stay there.

Using my fingers, I gently comb through her hair while my other arm wraps around her body, bringing her closer to me. If physical barrier was what she needed, I could give that to her.

It doesn't take long for her breathing to even out, drifting back into sleep and for me to scoop her up into my arms and leave the room to opt for another room to sleep in. It would be better to sleep in clean sheets anyway.

I tuck her in and begin to peel myself off from her, but then, she grabs my finger. I have no idea if this was just instinct or some odd reflex thing that I lacked knowledge in but something within me urged me to stay by her side.

Like I should stay with her.

So I did.