A Ghost of Snow

29. Confessions and Apologies

"Why?"

The question hit Lan Wangji like a tornado. Why? Why? He didn't know. Whether it was speaking up for Wei Ying or falling in love with him, Lan Wangji didn't know the reason. He hadn't planned on doing any of it, he had a simple monotonous life before this hurricane of a man with his glittery silver eyes and a smile that could easily rival the sun had entered his life. Why? He wondered if other people had reasons for falling in love because he had none and at the same time a million. Wei Ying was brave, beautiful, kind and a thousand other things, but none of it seemed worthy enough to be the reason to love him. He had loved the man with all his heart for a long time but this simple question, "Why?", he didn't have the answer to.

"Lan Zhan.", Wei Wuxian spoke in a small voice again. "Why? You can have anyone in this world. Why do you have to love me? Look at you, you are perfect, how can a person like me be worthy of having you? You are a Sect Heir, Lan Zhan, I am just a son of a servant. You are so pure, kind, gentle and then look at me, I am the opposite of everything you stand for. I will only taint your image as the righteous Hanguang-Jun. Maybe your family has been mistaken. Lan Zhan, say it. Please tell me that you don't actually love me. Please."

"But I do, Wei Ying. I love you.", Lan Wangji sat on his knees and cradled the younger in his arms. "I don't know why but I do. Wei Ying. Even if you don't want to be with me, I will still love you. You are much more than just a son of a servant. You are beautiful and kind and righteous. How can you who is so pure himself taint me? Before you came into my life, it was so cold and grey, you are like the warmth of the sun to me. If anyone in this world is worthy of having my love, it is you. It is you who deserves so much better than me but I promise if you choose me above everyone I will work everyday to be better for you. If you don't want to, I won't force you."

Every word that came out of Lan Zhan's mouth stabbed Wei Wuxian's heart like a dagger, how did his life keep getting harder and harder. He wasn't sure whether to be happy or sad about his love being reciprocated. He remembered all the times that Lan Zhan had smiled at him, hugged him and even obliged to his tantrums. Wei Wuxian felt like a fool. He had unknowingly encouraged Lan Zhan's feelings, thinking it impossible for Lan Zhan to love him. He wanted to laugh at himself for being so dense but no sound came out of his throat. He couldn't stop the tears that flowed from his eyes soaking Lan Zhan's pristine robes. He wanted to scream and tell Lan Zhan that he wanted to be by his side all his life, that he loved the man more than anyone could ever even imagine, but he also wanted Lan Zhan to be happy and he knew, the happiness he could bring would only last a while.

"Lan Zhan, can't you just forget about me and find someone else?", he asked holding on to the last thread of hope that there was still a chance that he could save Lan Zhan from being heart-broken.

"No. Lan Wangji loves Wei Ying and will only love Wei Ying in this lifetime. Even if Wei Ying doesn't want to be with Wangji, there shall be no other.", Although Wei Wuxian had expected this answer, it still took him a little time to process, only for more tears to escape his eyes.

"Nothing good will come out of it. Lan Zhan, I'll only break your heart.", he said in one last attempt at changing Lan Zhan's mind. "All is good as long as Wei Ying does it."

Wei Wuxian finally hugged Lan Wangji back but what came out of his mouth wasn't something any of them were expecting, "There is still one thing left for me to do. Why don't we talk about it after I have taken care of it?"

However, Lan Xichen noticed that he still did not let go of Wangji. His words appalled Lan Xichen, Wei Wuxian hadn't said that he loved Wangji but he had not outright rejected his brother either. Lan Xichen didn't know what to think of it, what did he mean by saying that he will break Wangji's heart. Lan Xichen would leave no stone unturned to make sure that his brother was happy, if it meant making Wei Wuxian confess to him even if he didn't want to, he would do it without hesitation.