Percy's Dirty Affairs

Hera, Aphrodite and Athena

The part of Hera will he played by Jennifer Love Hewitt.

The part of Aphrodite will he played by Jennifer Lopez.

The part of Athena will be played by Kate Beckinsale.

It was the day of the wedding between twenty two year olds Jason Grace and Piper McLean, and what followed was one of the most anticipated parties in recorded history. All of their demigod friends and family had been invited, as had all of the gods. Only one god had not been invited due to her having sided with both the Titans and the Giants; Eris, the goddess of discord.

One of the corners of the extravagant hall was shrouded in darkness. Out of it stepped an elderly woman carrying an apple; on the apple was inscribed, in ancient Greek, "For the fairest."

The old woman navigated her way through the hall, leaving those in her wake arguing about seemingly unimportant things ("It's called an aglet!" "No it's not!" argued Travis and Connor Stoll).

She finally walked by a table featuring several gods and goddesses. She dropped the apple onto the table and continued walking. As she walked away, she heard Hermes say, "Hey, look at this apple!"

"What's it say?" asked Apollo, who could see that there were small engravings.

Hermes squinted at the small writing. "It says, for the fairest," he read.

"Oh that must be for me," said Aphrodite from across the table.

"I'm afraid you're mistaken," said Athena from next to Hermes. "But its clearly addressed to me."

"Children, children," said Hera from her seat. "The apple is meant for me."

As all three goddesses glared at each other, Apollo and Hermes shared a look: not this shit again!

"Why don't we ask my father?" Athena asked. "He is, after all, the wisest of the gods."

Aphrodite looked to where Zeus sat at a different table, a nymph on his lap, and said, "Maybe we should wait until tomorrow to ask your wise, venerable father?"

Hera glared at her unfaithful husband, but they all agreed. The next day, they all visited Zeus upon Olympus. At the sound of the three goddesses stomping towards him, Zeus looked up and got a strong sense of déjà vu. Last time, he thought to himself, This ended very poorly for the man who judged. Who would they all view as worthy to judge them, and their death would mean little to me?

Before they even spoke, he said, "I cannot choose between my daughter, my wife, and also you, Aphrodite," he said. "You will have to ask a more unbiased person. May I suggest Percy Jackson?"

And so, they looked for Percy Jackson.

They found him, unsurprisingly enough, in his Manhattan apartment. Thankfully, Annabeth wasn't there – she was planning a new subsection of palaces on Olympus – so Percy opened the door with no one else home. Not having expected anyone, he was wearing only black sweatpants and a t-shirt. He looked at the three goddesses for a second. "What do you want now?" he asked rather rudely, blocking the entrance to his apartment.

Athena glared at her future son-in-law's presumptive attitude. She never had liked that about him. "We're here on Zeus' orders," she explained. "He chose you as an impartial judge for an argument we're having."

"What's the argument?" he asked. "Which of you can be the most overbearing and callous towards demigods?"

Hera put her hands on her hips. Just because she had ruined the lives of almost all of her husband's bastard children did not make her callous and overbearing. "Actually," she said, "It's about which of us is the fairest."