the way i loved you

I'm shining like fireworks over your sad empty town

Long were the nights when my days once revolved around you. Counting my footsteps, praying the floor won't fall through again.

---------

"Run away with me,"

"And why would I do that?"

Charlotte just looked at her, her eyes displaying the hurt she felt with Engfa's answer. Her eyes were full of disappointment and sadness. She thought Engfa would immediately say yes, still believing the older woman still has her feelings for her.

"Don't act like nothing has happened, Charlotte. Seriously, why are you doing this to me? I have been respectful with you all of these years. I never bothered you, I went to live my own life, I've chased my dream like you wanted me to. I never made your life miserable like what you did to me," Engfa shouted, her hands were shaking as angry tears continued to fall from her sad eyes, "Why are you punishing me like this?"

Engfa's heart was breaking all over again. Her heart that she worked so hard to stitch up on her own in order for it to be whole again, was tore down into pieces by Charlotte, much like what she did 5 years ago.

"I love you," Charlotte cried.

"No, you don't."

"I love you, Fa."

"No!"

"Please, listen to me,"

"You don't get to tell me you love me after you left me just like that. You made me feel like I was a fucking burden to you, Charlotte...." Engfa ran her hands through her, expressing her frustration and anger. She averted her gaze and went to look down at her shaking hands, "You were never ready for me,"

"I was afraid..." Charlotte sobbed, having a hard time to talk and cry at the same time, "I wasn't ready before, yes, but it's different now,"

Engfa just scoffed, not believing anything Charlotte had said. After 5 years, and now she's ready? Son of a bitch.

"You made me feel like I'm a burden to you, you think so little of me. You left because you said you wanted to achieve your dreams. Like- did you thought I was going to prevent you from being successful? Was I not part of your dreams, Char? How about 'us'?" Engfa sobbed, but Charlotte remained silent for a moment, processing the words Engfa had just said. "I wasn't asking for you to give up your dream and choose me. Fuck, now that I think about it, you made it sound like you don't have a choice! I just want to be there for you while you chase your dream, that's all I wanted, Char. Was that too much to ask? Did I ask for too much?"

Then came silence. Engfa's silent cry was the only sound that can be heard.

"It's much easier to accept had you only said you just fell out of love," Engfa whispered in between her sobs.

"I didn't," Charlotte whispered back, "I never stopped loving you, Engfa,"

"But you didn't love me enough to stay," this time, Engfa said it while staring through Charlotte's tear stained eyes. "What's the point of being ready now? You're married. You know what? You're just in the middle of grieving process right now, you said you just lost your baby. You can deal with in on your own, Charlotte. Please don't ever fucking bother me again,"

Engfa just got out of the car and rounded to the passenger seat's door, opening it for Charlotte to exit to. "You have a good night, Mrs. Suppassit."

Charlotte just look at her, still not moving from her seat. Her eyes much redder than when she arrived, and her heart much heavier than before. The hurt and sadness still visible from her face. She sat there still for a minute before wiping her tears and lifting her chin up. She exited the car and went face to face with Engfa. Gone were the vulnerability in Charlotte's features.