The Tattooed Flower

28. Fuck-Up

Caleb-

"Quinn Hawkins?" I respond shakily now, still refusing to look up.

"Quinn Paisley Renee Hawkins." The voice responds. Any confidence it might have had before gone.

"Fuck." I mutter under my breath. I unlatch Taz's leash, and that old dog runs to her with all he has. I don't look up. I can't. I settle my head in my hands and try make myself disappear. "Fuck!" I shout.

"Quinn?" It's Dave's voice.

"Dave, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have come here. I was being stupid." She rambles. I can hear the tears in her voice. "No Taz." She sobs. Trying to subdue him. "I'm so sorry."

"Quinn, wait." Dave pleads.

"No, I'm... I'm sorry." I hear her scramble away. The bell of the door dinging as she makes her escape. Taz barks, and soon the whole place is chaos. Taz barking. Clients not even attempting to keep their questions silent.

She's back. She came back. And here I am, crying. Scaring her away. "Jesus Christ." I whisper.

I feel Dave's hand on my shoulder, but I shrug it off. "Caleb, are you-"

I stand up. "I have to make my consultation." Then I'm running. Taz's leash in my hand I chase after her. I catch a glimpse of her, of a brown haired girl on the sidewalk. And I yell after her. "Quinn! Quinn!" She doesn't stop walking, doesn't look back at me for even a second. For a moment I think it's not her. That the whole thing is just my imagination, but I run anyway. And I catch her. And I refuse to let go.

***

Quinn-

His hand is on my arm, and I know it's his without seeing it. "Quinn." I turn around and look up at him. I forgot how tall he is. Forgot how dark his eyes get when he's sad. I forgot parts of him that I promised myself I would remember.

"I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have come here. I don't know what I was thinking-"

"Quinn-"

"I was supposed to leave you alone... I should've left you alone."

"Quinn, would you just shut up for a second?" He yells at me. I stop. My jaw snaps shut. "I love you. "

I love you. Three words. Three syllables. Eight letters. A short, short phrase. So easy to say. So hard to take back. And here he is. Telling me that he loves me. That he still loves me. After all this time. He shouldn't. He should hate me. I deserve to be hated. "You shouldn't, Caleb. You shouldn't. I shouldn't have come here I was supposed to leave you alone... That was the whole-"

"Shut up already!" His lips are on mine, steady and unwavering. There are tears on my cheeks and in an instant, every minute that I was gone from him. Every time I cried because I missed him so much. None of it matters. Because I'm here with him. Here in his arms. And he. Still. Loves me. And I love him so much.

He pulls back from me and I open my eyes, wiping the tears from my cheeks. "Are you done now?" He asks. I nod and look at him. Really look at him. He is so beautiful and I have missed him so much. "I love you. And I tried, I swear, I tried so goddamn hard to get over you.I went out with Ruth. I joined an online dating service. I went clubbing. I hooked up with a million and one girls, but none of it worked. And yes, I am so unbelievably pissed at you, but I don't care. You're here. We're together again. And that's all I've thought about for the past five years. I love you. And I'm not going to apologize for that."

"I would never ask you to." He just looks at me then and crosses his arms. He's gnawing on his lower lip, and just looking me over, over and over and over again. I can see the gears turning in his head, his expression knitting together and then settling again.

"Why?..." He stops short, running a hand though his hair. It's longer now. His hair. He's stopped styling it too, now it just sort of falls over his forehead. Combed, only enough to rid it of knots. "Why did you leave?" His voice breaks and there are tears on his cheeks.

Those months we were together, I'd never seen him cry. He was cold and hard and at times, stoic. Yet, here he is, crying.

"I wanted you to have a life. I just kept thinking, what if? What if? I mean, Caleb, they could have caught me at any moment. We never would have been able to do anything, go anywhere. We wouldn't have been able to travel together, have kids, get married. None of that would have even been an option. And I didn't want you to live like that... I didn't want to live like that." His eyes stay locked on mine the whole time, those tears continuing to leak. "I just wanted to live free and now I am. I'm free! And all I want, all I ever think about is being with you. I tried not to come back here, but I couldn't... I couldn't because I am a Grade A Fuck-Up. I'm a Fuck-Up. But, I'm a Fuck-Up that so helplessly in love with you. I love you and... And I'm free."

"We're both Fuck-Ups." He says, smiling at me, his tears having subsided.

"Yeah, we are." Then he just holds me. In the middle of the sidewalk. In Moapa Valley, Nevada, where I am at home. Where I am finally free.

SO! That's something. I'm sorry that everything is coming in so slowly, but I just had finals and my life has been UBER busy. Anyways, only a few more chapters left, I wont say how many because I'm not quite sure how long this is going to take. HOWEVER! I will say, that I am so grateful for any and everyone who reads this! I have another story called "Too Young for Second Chances" and I'd really appreciate it if you guys gave it some love! Anyways thanks for reading, if you liked it comment/vote!

Love yah,

Lidi