The Tattooed Flower

29. The Best Bad Day

Quinn-

We're home. Home. I called my mom. Told her I'm doing fine. That I love it here. That miss her. This is my life. My free, happy life. The house is exactly the same. My garden is thriving and my art room is filled to the brim with Avery's art, mine scattered around where it fits. But her art. It's a little misshapen. A little sloppy. But she's still so young and one day, if she keeps it up, she'll be amazing.

"You still can't cook." I smile. Caleb shakes his head.

"Not much has changed." He says, taking another bite of the pizza we'd ordered.

"Everything has changed... Look at you." He looks at me confused, a smear of pizza sauce at the corner of his mouth. I wipe it away and continue. "You are the co-owner of the two most successful tattoo parlors in Nevada, you're twenty seven years old. You're god daughter is seven, almost eight. Your hair... Well thats an interesting choice." He mocks being offended, but we both laugh. "You almost moved. You almost got married."

"Hey, almost only counts in hand grenades and horseshoes." He says pointing a finger at me.

I laugh at him. "How do you figure?"

"Well horseshoes, I mean c'mon. And well, a hand grenade doesn't have to actually hit you to still blow up and kill you. It just has to almost hit you. Same goes for horse shoes." I just smile at him and shake my head. "Things are more the same then they are different... Taz is still here. I'm still in love with you, you're still in love with me. Everything is the same."

"And nothing is." I add.

"True."

We nod and continue to eat.

"Lets go swimming." I say once we're finished. And we go. Stripping down to our underwear, we swim. Taz whines at the edge of the pool but he's too old and weak to swim so Caleb and I take turns carrying him around the pool in the water and he just smiles the whole time. Like he's not old, not in pain. And everything is perfect.

As I hold that old dog, who knows so much more than me about everything. About myself, about the man that I love, about what it means to live, to really live... I just love. That's all. I just love. And for the first time in my life I know what love is. What a whole and perfect love is like. It's like this. It's carrying your old dog around a swimming pool. And splashing your best friend with water. It's about being chased and chasing. It's not about where I am or what I know. All it is, is about me. It's about Caleb and Taz and my mother and Avery and Ruth and Dave and Matthew and everyone thats important to me. It's about what I would do for those people. It's about life. Love is about life. And life is about love.

***

Taz died last night. We dried him off and we laid him down at the end of the bed and he panted happily as we fell asleep.

Then, without warning. Without him asking me if I would be fine if he left me. He howled, like he was telling us, "I love you, I'm leaving. See you later." We sat next to him and we both cried. His soul left his body, and he wasn't Taz anymore. That lifeless body wasn't the dog that had been my salvation from the first day he stumbled into the yard of my childhood house. He wasn't there anymore. He wasn't my dog anymore. He was just gone. But he smiled as he died. Like he was okay. Like he had everything he wanted. Like his work was done.

But I should thank him . He gave me one last day. He held on for me. He held on for so long. I never should have gotten that day. He held on, like he was making sure that I was going to end up okay. He loved us, Caleb and I, more than we can love each other. He fixed us both. He fixed us in ways that only a dog could. And I love him. I will love him forever.

He gave me the best bad day of my life. I guess somethings don't have to kill you to blow you up. Turns out, almost doesn't only count in hand grenades and horseshoes.