Kind Crimson Eyes

And I ran

My trembling hand grips the front door handle, unmoving. I can't get myself to turn it. I know what'll come next when I do.
I had another amazing day with Kaworu and I'm still basking in the glow. I don't want to ruin it. It's not as if days like these are something I'm used to.

After a long internal battle, I finally force myself to turn the knob and go inside.
I half expect to be ambushed at the door, but nobody comes. I'm able to remove my shoes and take a step, the floor creaking under my feet.
"I..I'm home." I hesitantly call out.

Nothing....

Are they even home?

I tip toe down the hall, looking for any signs of life. The only thing I see or hear is Pen Pen as he waddles through the kitchen, his little feet padding against the floor.
When I get closer to my room, I hear the faint sounds of a video game though Asuka's closed bedroom door, but that's it. No Misato.
If she's not home, then maybe she'll leave the yelling until tomorrow. Though, I'm sure Asuka already told her I didn't go to school....again.
I finally make it to my bedroom and go to close the door when I hear Asuka's angry footsteps leave her room which sends a rush of adrenaline through my body. I'm still standing by the door when she barges in, slamming the door into me.

"What is wrong with you? You really are stupid!" Asuka stops in my doorway and slowly shakes her head disapprovingly. "Is it that hard to call Misato?" She flips her long red hair behind her shoulder and crosses her arms.
I slink away, rubbing my shoulder where the door hit, and sit down on my bed.
"You're completely useless, you know that? You still can't pilot properly and now you can't even be bothered to come to school anymore? I don't know about you, but I sure don't want to be living with some loser with mental problems! You know I can hear you crying at night, right? What're you a baby?" Asuka shoots off angrily.
She continues to barrage me with insults and doesn't hear as Misato comes in the front door.
"Leave me alone, Asuka." I grumble, starting to get irritated.
She either doesn't hear me, or doesn't care, because she continues.
"It's no wonder your father cares more about his work than about you. I don't blame him!"
I pointedly look away from Asuka, digging my nails into hands.
"Like you're one to talk" I mutter under my breath.
I can feel the rage building and the tears welling in my eyes. I can't even seem to stand up for myself.

Misato must have heard the noise as she comes up to the door from the hallway.
"Asuka! Watch your mouth" she says angrily, overhearing what she'd just said.
Asuka scoffs.
"Well it's the truth isn't it? Look how pathetic he is. He can't handle even going to school, let alone being a pilot. All he does is sit out on the roof alone all the time. It's no wonder his own mother is gone. She probably was glad to get awa-"

The image of a brown haired woman at her piano flashes in my mind, feeling like a punch in the gut.
Misato gasps and raises a hand to Asuka, but I run out the door, pushing past them.
Misato calls out after me but I ignore her and quickly slip on my shoes before I leave the apartment. The door slams behind me and I take off towards the staircase, my eyes filling with angry tears.
When I get to the bottom of the stairs, I take off down the street, trying to put as much distance between us as I can.

-

I run for a long time. I don't know how long, but my lungs burn and my body aches.
I'm not headed in any particular direction, just away.
It's dark now and the streets aren't as crowded as they are during the day. I prefer the side streets as they're less busy, but this time I decide to stay in the lit city streets so I can see.

I start to slow as my sense finally returns.
Why am I out here? And what am I supposed to do now?
I can't go back, not after that. Asuka is right about everything. I am a weak loser that can't handle school and being a pilot. I don't deserve friends or a place to stay. I don't deserve the love and acceptance of my father. And I don't even know how my mom died. She probably was glad to finally be free of me. Who wouldn't be, right?

I'm unsure of the time but it has to be at least 11pm.
As usual, Tokyo-3 is alive with lights. I look up to the sky, but it's impossible to see the stars with how bright everything around me is.

I'm not even sure I know how to get home from here, so I decide to head to the nearest shelter.
The doors are always open incase of an emergency. Sometimes the homeless wander in during the winter when the streets get too cold, but this one is empty.
There hasn't been an angel attack for quite a while so the shelter is clean and quiet.
I'll spend the night here.
There are pullout cots stored inside so i'll have somewhere to sleep. If I stay here for too long though, Misato will be sure to find me. I'll just rest my eyes for a little while...