Kind Crimson Eyes

Storm

     I don't know how long I stayed in the shelter. Minutes? Hours? Days? There aren't any clocks or windows in here and I left my phone in my room. I have no way to tell how much time has passed, but I would guess it's late into the next day. I slept for what felt like a long long time.
     Between extreme boredom and hunger, I finally decide to leave. I'll be able to ignore the hunger easier if I'm not just sitting around bored, and I can block out a lot of the negative thoughts if I'm distracted.
     It just seems like the right time to go.

     I step out into the street and my eyes widen. The lowering, evening sun is obscured by thick, black clouds that cast a dreary shadow over the city.
     I forgot that Kaworu had mentioned something about a storm coming the other day. He was so excited when he told me. He loves storms.
     It hasn't started to rain yet, but it won't be long before I get caught up in the chaos. Even if I start walking now, I don't think I'll beat it. Though, despite any of this, I'm not sure if I even want to go home at all....
...
    Actually, I am sure. I don't. I don't want to go home yet. I don't even know if I can go back. 

     I secretly hope an angel attack happens while I'm out here and I get struck by debris. Or better yet, stomped on directly.
     I would literally rather die than go home. Though, it's not a feeling that's been out of character for me lately.
There really is something wrong with me..

    I walk aimlessly down the streets again. I'm going nowhere in particular, but I try to go back in the general direction I came from.
     Nothing feels familiar. Im not sure I've ever been this far into the city on foot before. The new sights are a good distraction though, I was right about that at least.

     I end up on a small path that runs between many apartment buildings. All much smaller than the one I live in. There isn't anyone around outside, though. It's eerily quiet.
     It would be a little strange if it weren't for the storm brewing overhead. But It feels as if an angel attack had been anticipated and the citizens were ordered to shelter.
     Wouldn't that be ironic?

     The wind suddenly picks up, sending piles of leaves and flower petals swirling around me in continuous gusts.
     The streetlights illuminate in unison, buzzing familiarly.
     As I look up to the blackened sky,
a single drop of rain lands on my cheek and rolls down. The storm is a lot closer than I'd first thought.

     I could go back to the shelter, but I'm not exactly sure how to get back. Though, I don't know how to get home either.
     I laugh a little at the situation. It's so stupid that it's a little funny.

     A flash of lighting lights up the sky and I count to three before thunder booms in the distance. It's getting really close now.
     The wind picks up again and blows dirt and debris into my eyes. I look down at my feet and continue to walk.
-

     Everything is fine for quite a while until suddenly it's not.
     Lightening flashes between the tall silhouetted buildings and thunder claps deafeningly a second later. The torrential rain accelerated by the wind pelts down on me, stinging my cheeks.
     I can barely see a thing, so all I can do is  follow the sidewalk ahead of me.
     Eventually, the ground changes and I come upon a stone path. Though squinted eyes I peer through the wind and rain and try to get a look at my surroundings.
     It looks different in the dark, but I'm positive this is the park Kaworu brought me to before. I'm just at the opposite end we'd come from that day.

     Without hesitation, I start down the path and immediately breathe a sigh of relief as the storm lessens in intensity. The canopy of trees above us acts as a natural umbrella.
      I'm already completely soaked, so I walk off the path and try to find our spot.
     I have to duck under branches and push through bushes, all the while churning up mud beneath my feet.
     I can't really tell where I'm going. It's dark and the street lights don't illuminate this far off the path.
     If I get lost, will anyone find me?

     As I attempt to step over some tree roots, my foot gets caught. I slam hard against cold, hard ground, knocking the wind out of me. My chin bounces off a rock and I bite into my tongue.
     I can't move. I can't breathe. My entire body is stunned and I can't pick myself up off the muddy ground yet.
     But what would even be the point? Why should I get up at all?

     I'm so pathetic.
     Everything Asuka said was right. They're probably relieved to not have me around. I'm just a burden; emotionally and physically. Maybe I should just never go back. They won't have to see my face ever again. I could return to my old city, return to my old life.
     It wasn't so bad. I didn't have to do anything. Nothing was expected of me. It was so much easier.
     I could go back to being alone and not bothering anyone. I don't deserve friends, anyways. And they definitely don't deserve someone like me.

    I hate myself, truly.