The Dwellers Post Issue No 3

When I Knew I Was Addicted

I can't imagine someone changing in just 12 days. Neither can I think of changing myself along with her, but I am changed. The reason is not only her goodness but also my insaneness too. I was addicted by her intoxicating eyes and by her truthful tongue and talks. When I realized what I had to do, I was not the same. I was almost covered by her lovely black shadow. I know that it's too late. Although I try to rebuild my strength from my weakness, because her talent is more useful for my aim than me and my ego, but what to do? I am also made by clay, carrying a hand along with me. I was moving from one friend to another to keep myself busy and suddenly, I fell into her chat and calls which touched my consciousness. She was attracted by my physical appearance according to her reaction. She knew that her all skills for covering a boy would fail, so she involved her past along with her present to impress me by her faithful nature She was successful too, as a consequent, I was lost along with her. I never tried to be what I was in my past but neither did I try to change myself- it was her talent to change a strange person who had a blocked heart. It was she who forced me to think, "What are my responsibilities"? So I didn't stand like a strong stick with my ego. I think deeply and in the end I realize that my motherland needs her more than me. I recall all the lessons which I got from my "Ustaad," teacher who nursed me like a father, caring for me like a mother and teaching me like a teacher. How beautifully he always told me "ich bin nichts" (I am nothing). He always shared his experience and wished for me a very good and successful life. He never wanted me to suffer the things which he has faced in life. By his lessons I understand how I can pick up diamonds in the coals. I thought I was a soldier; defeated before the war, but war of love. I know that love is like a war- easy to start and hard to end...

Written by-
Fahad Nodh