I Am Ruined (TDA Lord of Shadows Sequel)

[ IX ] Dreams or Visions

She was standing amidst the blighted land, a body staring sightlessly into the sky. It was covered in blood with no soul present. She stood, unable to move. The grip of death was pressing all around her, so much that she couldn't breathe and couldn't see. All she saw was a rune glowing in whorls in her eyes, blinding her to everything but the cold embrace of death.

Clary shot straight up, gasping for air. Her body was shaking, cold from the dream once again. She'd had this dream, or vision, more and more frequently lately. It was now just about every time she closed her eyes. All she could think about was the rune and the feeling of death drowning her.

"Clary?" Jace was propped up on his elbows now, one hand caressing her shoulder, "Are you still having nightmares?"

Yes. Yes she was, but she couldn't tell him that. So instead she just smiled, "I'm fine. They're getting better." He was analyzing her face but despite the fact that she didn't think he believed her, he smiled and pressed a kiss to her forehead. It reminded her of the night of the Revel in faerie when she had awoken from the nightmare once again and saw the concern in his eyes. The pain he felt that she wouldn't tell him and he couldn't help. She hated lying to him, and ever since she rejected his proposal she had been been doing just that.

I love you. I love you and you have to trust me: I'm not saying no, I'm saying not now. I have a good reason, I swear. Please believe me, Jace.

And he had believed her, but that didn't hide the pain in his eyes. She knew how much he hated to feel helpless and not know what was wrong. He never pressured her to tell him, he probably figured she'd tell him in her own time. But he didn't know she planned to have Emma tell him after she was gone. The thought struck her hard and tears silently fell from her eyes without her permission. She hated the thought of leaving Jace, despite how strong he seemed to be, she knew how vulnerable he really was. She wanted to tell Magnus, but he was still sick and so instead she decided they just had to keep on with their mission. That's what brought them here to the Spiral Labyrinth. They had been looking for a weapon in Faerie, only to find out their intel was wrong and it wasn't in fact a weapon but a way to enter Faerie undetected. They had met Jaime Rosales in Faerie when Clary and Jace were searching. Despite him and Jace not getting along, they decided to work together to find out how it works. Only Jaime had lost it. So now they were here trying to figure out how to get it to work and what exactly it could do while Jaime was off trying to fix his mistake and find it.

Jace's hands on her face brought her back to reality, "I wish you would tell me. I want to help you, Clary. Please." His voice broke on the last word and her heart cracked, he was so distraught that he couldn't help her. And it was her fault.

But how could she tell him? Tell him that she was going to die. She could feel it in her vision, the press of death all around her. She would be gone and leaving him alone. After everything they had been through – fighting Valentine, the Dark War, traveling to Edom, defeating Sebastian – they had always survived. So how could she tell him that this time that she wouldn't? She couldn't. So instead, all she said was "I love you." And kissed him gently, pressing her eyes tightly against the vision of his shimmering amber eyes and wondering if it would be the last time she'd ever see them.

I had to add a little Clary/Jace to make the later part of the story make more sense. Also I tried to relate this to Canon storylines Cassandra Clare had written. She just posted a short about Clary and Jace called "Our Waking Souls" on Twitter /Tumblr and this kind of related to that!
NOW ON TO THE BLACKTHORNS!

***

Blood spattered the grass and sand in front of the Los Angeles Institute but no one moved. They were staring at Emma who had now dropped Cortana on the ground. Kit moved closer and noticed she was staring down at herself not so much in shock, but terror. He had never seen Emma look afraid in his entire time being here, and they had faced a lot.

"Everyone inside." It was Julian who broke the silence to no one's surprise, and after a second's hesitation, everyone retreated back into the Institute. In the foyer, Cristina shut the doors behind them and crossed her arms defiantly across her chest.

"Oh no, ¡Dios mío! We are not leaving here until you explain what in the name of the Angel just happened out there!" Cristina had sprinted to the steps and was standing in front of Julian, blocking him from leaving. He stopped abruptly and looked up at her furious figure. Despite her standing a few steps above him, he still had a few inches on her.

His eyes were cold as he answered steadily. "We got them to surrender."

She looked to Emma now, her expression softening slightly, "Emma, please tell me what's going on. What happened out there?"

"I would also like to know." Mark chimed in, placing a hand gently on Julian's shoulder. Kit often forgot that Julian wasn't the oldest Blackthorn, but looking at the way Mark eased Julian's tension, you could see that he remembered when Mark was his big brother.

While the tension drained slightly from his shoulders, he remained silent and looked to Emma. "Okay," She said, "We'll talk about this, but first everyone needs to wash up and heal. Meet in the library." And with that, they departed. The anger was fading from the room and was now being replaced with an eerie calm, whatever they were going to say, Kit had a feeling it was not going to be good.

***

"Did you just flick me?" Julian, exasperated, looked at Kit who was leaning against the table next to him. They were in the library waiting for everyone to gather and Julian was lost in thought, trying to think of how they were going to explain this.

"I did." The blonde boy said matter-of-factly, not even bothering to look over at Julian.

"Why?!" He was staring at Kit in disbelief.

He finally looked at him, a patronizing look on his face, "Because you're staring at her."

"I was not-" Julian looked forward and realized that he was indeed staring at Emma who was talking to Tavvy across the room, her hair cascading over her shoulder in waves.

Kit ignored him and continued, "No wonder 100 people know..."

"Four. Four people know, Kit."

"Well maybe if you didn't look at her like that, it would only be 3." Julian opened his mouth to retort something but Cristina had come in the room with Kieran and Mark. Ty was reading a book in a chair over by Dru who was talking to him about her favorite movie that he should watch while he studiously ignored her. Mark took his place next to Emma and Julian noted it with a slight twinge of jealousy, though he knew there was no reason. Kieran was playing with a globe in the corner, fascinated by anything but the conversation going on.

"Okay, now that we are all clean and healed it's time to tell us what is going on." Cristina said, no anger in her tone, only assertiveness.

Emma ran a hand through her hair, one of her rare nervous ticks, "Are you sure you want to know? It can't leave this room." After a few moments of awkward silence, Kieran looked away from the globe to find everyone's eyes on him.

"Ah, I see. Once again I am not trusted." Although he sounded angry, his hair remained its normal blue color.

"Well, pretentious hair prince, you have betrayed us in the past." Emma shrugged.

"Preten- I thought you said you were just 'trying that out.'"

"Oh I was, but I decided I liked it so get used to it." She smiled brightly and he rolled his eyes before continuing.

"I swore fealty to the lady of Roses. As one of Faerie blood, I vow that this secret will not leave my mouth to anyone but those present in this room."

Emma took a deep breath, how was she going to say this? Julian and I are in love? We've been sleeping together? We are cursed? Before she could brainstorm any more ideas, Julian filled in the silence for her.

"Emma and I have been breaking the law." Well, Emma thought, there definitely could have been a better way to say it.