I Am Ruined (TDA Lord of Shadows Sequel)

[ XXIII ] Salvation

"Julian-" She whispered, her heartrate spiking.

He saw the fear in her brown eyes and it calmed him down immediately, "Emma? What is it, what's wrong?"

"Guys, we need to go." Cristina said curtly, "Its 11, the portal to Idris will be opening in the foyer any minute now." Everyone got up silently, the tension in the room thick as they made their way to get their bags and then to the front room of the Institute. Emma stepped back from Julian, shaking off his touch. No, that shouldn't happen. This should be working! She felt panic rise in her throat and swallowed against it, moving out of the room quickly next to her best friend.

Just as Cristina said, not long after they changed and made their way to the foyer, there was a vortex opening in the room. The swirling colors coalescing into the image of Alicante – the shimmering glass towers piercing the clouds. They were all gathered in the hall; Tavvy in Mark's arms, Julian, Emma, Cristina, Kieran, Jaime, Dru, Ty and Kit. One by one, they walked through the portal, letting it take them.

***

After arriving to the city, the first matter of business was to go to the Blackthorn townhouse. Just like last time there were here in Alicante, it was a tall blue building with white accents. The inside was three levels, with six bedrooms on the top two levels. Emma remembered staying here before their parabatai ceremony. They liked to stay in Blackthorn manor when in Idris, but whenever they had matters to attend to in the city, the townhouse was much more convenient. Everyone was silent, tensions high after Julian's outburst in Los Angeles. Tavvy was holding Mark's hand, something that made Julian wince. Tavvy had always clung to Julian when he was scared or sad, but right now his little brother was scared of him. Emma was walking with Cristina, going upstairs with her immediately, refusing to look back at Julian. Please, please look at me, Em. I'm so sorry. He wished and wished, but she walked up the stairs without a glance over her shoulder. Dru followed Jaime and Kit, but Ty lingered. His gray eyes scanned his big brother in the foyer under the light of the chandelier. Everyone was gone, off to set their bags in their rooms, but Ty hadn't moved. Julian wanted to say something, anything. But for the first time, he couldn't find the right words. He wanted to apologize, beg for forgiveness. His brother that loved him – that wrote the letter to Annabel telling her how lucky he was to have his brother Julian – was staring at him with blank eyes.

"Jules. Is it still you?" Ty asked in a quiet voice.

Julian moved closer to Ty, bending to his height, which was only a few inches shorter, "Yes! Tiberius, yes of course I'm still me! I'm still Jules, your brother." His voice cracked, "Remember all those times we'd go outside in the garden and I'd paint the flowers while you'd try and find all the bugs? And all those times we'd draw those silly sayings together, that way they'd make more sense."

"Raining cats and dogs still doesn't make much sense to me..." Ty murmured.

He laughed now, "No, it doesn't. Ty, you have to believe me. Please, please don't look at me like you're scared. I can't bear it if you're scared of me."

Ty pulled him into a hug, more for Julian's benefit than for his own, he learned that it meant a lot to them. He could feel his brother shaking when he whispered against his shoulder, "I'm not scared of you, Jules. I'm scared of what you're becoming."

***

"Kieran!" Cristina called as her and Emma were walking up the stairs, she could feel her best friend's silence – it was deafening. But she knew Emma, and she knew Emma didn't want to talk right now, she was on the verge of tears and she hated to cry in front of people. Kieran was walking on his own, Mark being dragged along by Tavvy up ahead. He turned, a calm expression painted on his face.