I Am Ruined (TDA Lord of Shadows Sequel)

[ XXIV ] What I Need

I did feel guilty for doing so little Jemma lately, so I definitely went all out with Jemma here. Heads up, I wouldn't call it 'explicit' per say, but it is definitely a little more mature than usual. Have fun ;)

Emma had gone to her own room, the one she was sharing with Dru and Cristina, but she couldn't sit still. She was upset and the one thing she wanted was to see Julian. Growing up they would go to each other to seek comfort. When his mother was sick or when her parents got mad at her for misbehaving. When Mark was taken. When she found out her parents died. After they became parabatai, they didn't even need to seek each other out – they could feel it like a seed of discomfort deep within their stomach. Only right now, Julian wasn't coming to her room. So that is how she ended up here, sitting on his bed in the attic. Mark wasn't here right now, probably off with Tavvy or Kieran or Cristina, who knew anymore. All Emma knew was that she wanted more than anything to see Julian. The door opened and Emma looked up to see him walk in, he had a slight smile painted on his face until his eyes raised to meet hers. That smile fell and it hurt. More than she expected. Tears started pooling in her eyes and she bit her lip to prevent herself from crying. As if not in control of his own actions, Julian surged forward gripping the back of her neck and pressing his lips to hers, desperate to keep those tears at bay. Immediately she responded to the kiss, opening her mouth under his. That fear that she had felt all morning was instantly replaced by burning desire. All thoughts of the Unseelie King, of finding Helen, the parabatai curse, rushed from her mind. It was only filled with Julian now; his silky hair between her fingers, those soft lips opening over hers, the feel of his skin against her fingertips. Aching to feel more, she lifted his shirt up and over his head, throwing it to the floor. One of his arms wrapped around her lower back and he threw her further back on the bed, sliding his body over hers. She could see all of the black runes twining around his arms and on his chest, no glowing now. That was good, this was good. Before she could think much more on it, his mouth moved to her neck and her focus sputtered out. He pushed her shirt up above her chest and planted kisses up her stomach, his hands trying to keep her writhing hips still. There was nothing stopping them now, his warm breath against her skin making her shiver. She lifted her shirt the rest of the way off and let it join his on the floor as he unclipped the back of her bra. She sat up, kissing him fiercely, her hands roaming his chest as she pushed him back on his heels.

She was making small sounds and it was driving Julian crazy, his blue eyes dark. His breathing was labored as he tugged down on her leggings, pulling them off before flipping them both over so she was straddling him. They were both laughing as she tried to undo the button on his pants while he peppered her face with kisses. This was the epitome of Emma and Julian, desire scorching their veins like fire mixed with laughter. Teeth clashing as they smiled between kisses, but it wasn't awkward, it was just them. It was everything he had missed, and was scared he wouldn't get again. His finger traced the band around her upper arm now, the cool metal grounding him. This was okay, they could do this. The Seelie Queen said they could. She was pushing him back down against the bed, her warm hands running along his abs. She was kissing his chest and lower, causing his thoughts to fragment. He was losing patience and control as her mouth was undoing him, he wrapped his arms around her and flipped her back under him. She gasped his name as he moved between her, pulling her leg up against him.

"I love you," His whispered against her ear as he kissed her gently. "I love you, Emma."

"I love you. It's always been you." She brushed her fingers through his hair as his face was buried in the crook of her neck, moving against her. This was what she wanted, what she needed. It wasn't being the best Shadowhunter, it wasn't defeating the Unseelie King or stopping the Cohort. It was this – Julian Blackthorn. And the thought haunted her, she hated it. She was a Carstairs, a Shadowhunter devoted to protecting the world and uniting the Downworld, and here she was thinking of nothing but Julian. Every moment of every day she tried to push the thought from her mind, focus on what was really important. But she couldn't, her mind was filled with him. And now she was drowning in those thoughts, her fingers gripping his back as he whispered to her. Whispered that he loved her, that they would have each other no matter what. And that is what scared her the most.