The Star in Our Faults

Chapter 14

A 6-month-old Anna was sitting in her car seat next to me. She was mumbling away happily to herself, obviously unaware of my tense mood. She squeezed the rattle in her hand tightly, giggling to herself.

We were driving along a windy road as the car bumped up and down. Gentle music was playing on the car stereo but I was to nervous to concentrate.

We finally reached our destination, and I slammed my foot down on the brake. My hands were shaking so I struggled to undo my seatbelt. I quickly walked round to Anna's side and took her out of her seat.

We were both wearing our nice clothes and felt very uncomfortable. I had on my only black dress, and was wearing matching black pumps. I hadn't bothered with make-up but I had on my posh jacket and my newly cut hair was held back with a clip. I put Anna into a cute dress my mom had sent me, but also wrapped her up in winter layers. I felt we both had to look our best.

I tried to walk confidently with Anna on my hip, like all sophisticated mothers, but I couldn't manage it. I had to clasp Anna to my chest and walk very slowly and very carefully, so so I didn't over-strain myself.

A bitter, winter wind whipped around my legs. I shivered inside my jacket and tried to keep Anna warm. Patches of snow lay on the ground and branchless trees loomed over me, but I determinedly walked on.

This was the first time Anna had visited Augustus' grave. Eventually we reached the mound of earth where Augustus lay. A gravestone had finally been placed. It read:

Here Lies Augustus Waters
Loving Son and Father
Whom most definitely did leave a mark, at least upon my world

I actually came up with that's at quote. I think it's pretty good, if I do say so myself.

Anna nuzzled into me, making little whimpering sounds. She was no longer cheerful. I cuddled her close but stayed standing where I was. I closed my eyes and allowed myself to think of Augustus. It was like unlocking a locked door, and sharp painful memories flooded out and enclosed me. I needed to remember though. I took the wreath of holly that I had been clutching, and placed it on the mound of earth.

When Anna started crying again, I reluctantly retreated to the car. Once Anna was back in the safety of the car, she perked up again. I smiled wanly at her and she giggled back at me, oblivious towards the fact that her dead father lay only a couple of meters away.

On Christmas Eve, me and Anna went to my parents. We were staying there for a few days, so we had huge bags. My stuff fitted into a small handbag but all of Anna's baby stuff took up a whole suitcase!

I trudged through the door, tired and hungry, Anna balanced precariously on my hip. I wheezed and coughed as my lungs couldn't handle the weight of my bag, a suitcase and Anna.

Mom rushed to greet us. I was practically dying but she just grabbed Anna out of my arms and took her to the sitting room. I sighed to myself in a motherly fashion, but I couldn't help grinning. I left our bags in the hallway as I didn't have the strength to take them upstairs to my room.

In the sitting room stood a huge Christmas tree. The whole room was elaborately decorated with tinsel and festive ornaments. Dad was wearing a ridiculous Christmas jumper and mom had crazy reindeer antlers on her head. Christmas music played softly in the background, and Mom sang along to it with Anna perched on her knee. Anna was giggling and waving her hands wildly in the air, trying to grab at moms jumper.

"Mom, wow!" I gasped. "You really decided to do the place up!"

"Well we want it perfect for Anna's first Christmas, don't we?" replied Mom.