Mates, Dates and ♥♡♥ Inflatable Bras. Book 1

Chapter 13- Pop Star Names

We are The Three Musketeers. One for all and all for one.

Izzie brought her wet-look gel with her on the bus the next morning and Nesta plastered it on to my head.

'There, that's better,' said Nesta, slicking my hair away from my face. 'It's stopped it sticking out and you can't see it's all uneven any more. Then tonight, we'll get you sorted at home.'

When we got off the bus, we headed straight for the corner shop. We had Wacko first lesson and it was hand in the egg baby day. Half our class were in the store. All buying free range eggs.

'Well done, girls,' she said, when we all put the eggs on her desk. 'I hadn't expected half of you to bring them back in one piece.'

Everyone looked at the floor so we wouldn't catch each other's eyes and start laughing. Then Wacko said she wanted us to get into groups and discuss how far we'd got with our What makes me 'me'? project.

Just as things were going well, she brought that up again.

Izzie, Nesta and me got into a group and stared at our files.

'Let's put in our pop star names,' said Nesta.

'Pop star name?' I asked.

'Yeah, like a stage name. You take the name of your first female pet and your mother's maiden name and voilà, your pop star name. Boys pick the name of their first male pet.'

I thought for a second. 'Our first cat was Smokey,' I said. 'And my mum's maiden name is Kinsler. So Smokey Kinsler.'

'Takes all sorts, darlin', said Nesta huskily.

'Hubba hubba,' said Izzie. 'Here's Smokey an' she's smo-oking tonight. Mine's Zizi. Zizi Malone.'

'Mine's Sooty Costello,' laughed Nesta.

'But Williams is your name,' I said.

'Actually my name is Nesta Williams Costello on my birth certificate. Mum's name is Williams, Dad's is Costello so I can use either or both. I use Williams usually because it's too long otherwise and I have to go into this complicated explanation but for my pop star name Costello sounds more glam don't you think?'

'Perfect,' I said.

'Let's put in our Mills and Boon writer names too,' said Izzie.

'How do you do that?' I asked.

'You take your middle name and the name of the street where you first ever lived,' said Iz.

'Suzanne Lindann,' said Nesta.

'That works,' said Izzie. 'Mine's Joanna Redington.'

'Mine's Charlotte Leister,' I said, getting into it.

'And we could put our death meals in as well. It might come in handy if the aliens ever arrive and we have twenty-four hours before the world blows up.'

'A death meal being?' asked Nesta.

'Your last meal ever on earth, stupid, like, if you know you've only got a few hours left.'

That set us off dreaming for a while. All the lovely things we could eat and not have to worry about the calories or dieting.

'Chips, burger and Häagen-Dazs pecan,'said Nesta.

'Roast chicken, roastie tatoes and banoffi pie,' said Izzie.

'Spaghetti bolognese and treacle pudding and custard,' I said. 'And chocolate. Lots of it.'

Nesta sent a note round class when Wacko wasn't looking. By the end of the lesson we had everyone's pop star names.

A good lesson methinks. And I suppose I'm getting clearer on the what makes me 'me' front. I'm Gemini with Cancer rising and the Moon in Taurus. I am an air sign, the sign of the twins. I am Smokey Kinsler, pop star queen or possibly Charlotte Leister, romantic novel writer.

Well, it's a start.

I looked up at Wacko and wondered if she would be impressed with our hard work.

'Lucy Lovering,' she said, seeing me staring at her. 'Stop sniggering.'

She's picking on me. Do I care? No.

👙👙

In the afternoon, we all had to pile on to the school bus for an outing to the Tate Modern. Worse luck, some of the Year Eleven girls had come along to help 'look after us'.

As we took our seats at the back of the bus, Josie Riley came down the aisle and stood threateningly over Nesta.

'Hear you've been trying to cop off with Michael Brenman,' she said.

Nesta immediately stood up. 'It sounds like English but I can't understand a word you're saying,' she said, going into her Scary Girl persona.

Now Nesta is definitely someone who doesn't give anyone permission to make her feel inferior. She's five foot five and Josie's at least three inches smaller.

Josie backed away then saw me giggling and turned to me. 'What happened to your hair? Whatever look you're going for, you missed.'

Izzie stood up next to Nesta. 'If I throw a stick, will you leave?'

Josie turned on Nesta again. 'You think you're it, don't you? Well let me tell you something. Michael Brenman is mine and I'd appreciate it if you'd stay away.'

'Thank you, I will,' said Nesta. 'And as for Michael being yours, may I say we're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view. Anyway you can have Michael Brenman, I'm not interested, he kisses like a whelk.'

Josie's mouth dropped open. 'He kissed you? What does he see in a kid like you?'

Nesta stuck her nose in the air. 'I'm really easy to get along with once you lesser people learn to worship me,' she said.

Josie's mouth shrank to resemble a cat's bottom and by this time, I was on the floor laughing.

'One for all and all for one,' I said as she sloped off.

👙👙

There are a million things to look at in the Tate Modern. On the bank of the River Thames, it's an enormous warehouse type building with loads of different floors, each one with room after room of remarkable oddities, some beautiful, some seriously deranged.

As far as our class was concerned though, there was only one room worth looking at. After an hour of trooping around and trying to make sense of it all, we all jammed ourselves into a tiny dark space where there was music playing. On the wall, a film was playing of a man with a beard. A naked man, sort of hippie dancing in slow motion. His willy was flopping up and down in time to the music. Everyone was falling about laughing and Candice Carter went up to the wall and started dancing along with him. That made us laugh even more.

'Is this art?' said Mo Harrison.

'Well it beats The Hay Wain,' said Nesta.

'I thought you had to be able to draw to be an artist,' I said.

'Not any more,' said Nesta. 'My dad said anything can be art if you say it is.'

Then Mr Johnson came in and caught us. He took one look at the film and said, 'Move along, girls, come on, move along. Plenty more to see.'

'Oh, I don't think so,' said Izzie, trying not to laugh. 'I think we've seen it all.'

Sometimes school is great.