Thoughts

Time and Fate

Time.

Perhaps the only true measurement in this world we live in. Only through time can one really measure the beauty of life and its worth.

I have seen children spending years to grow into adults. Watched buildings and structures require months to stand proud as architectural accomplishments. Fostered friendships in a matter of hours. Witnessed the creation of wonderful pieces of art that only required minutes to accomplish. Experienced the magic of love blossom within seconds of creation.

But that is not all life has shown me in my Time.

I have seen men and women spend years trying to end each others' lives. Stood by and watched as histories and cultures are eroded every month that passes by. Felt pain in seeing the colossal structures built by artists destroyed in a matter of hours. Hatred being spreads amongst friends and kin alike in a matter of minutes. The light of love diminishing from my world with every passing second.

Growth. That is the common factor in all these instances that Time is a part of. If given enough time, anything in this world can grow bigger than its initial state.

That's why I'm trying my best to limit the amount of time I stay away from Karla before Time decides to inflate the level of seperation between us.

I say this but Time is impossible to combat, even by gods on their best day. When things that we know are bound to happen occur, we always assume the default setting programmed into us by the very universe we inhabit.

It's always said to be the Fate of things.

I hate that word. I have an issue with beliveing that any matter is out of my control. Especially when the matter in question is the length of time I get to spend with my daughter.

I am not a perfect father, a fact that my wife clarifies to me six times in a day. I wish I could say that my work is the reason for my absence at the house. But the true contribution is my addictions. And like everything that gets exposed to time, they have grown in proportion with Karla from her infancy to her teens.

My wife learned to live with them. She was more than willing to find substitute avenues for attention and pleasure. It would have never been a source for any dispute between us were it not for the fact that one of us had to sacrifice their time to care for Karla.

I am not a drug addict, if that's the line of thought you were having. No, my addictions are more precise in the sense of my having compulsive urges to wager items of value on events with uncertain outcomes in the hopes of acquiring more items of value.

To put it simply... I just can't stop throwing money away at blackjack.

I some times wondered what my life would have been like if I kept my many promises to my wife that I'd curb my addictions. Would we have been in a house that we had taken months to build? A house where we would have lived together to see the years it would take to see Karla graduate from Elementary School? Would we have had more than just the urge to gorge each others eyes out and simply sit on the front porch and drink tea, watching the sun set?

I don't know. But life would have been better. We certainly wouldn't have had the pleasure of having Gwen from the Child Protection Service becoming a regular member in our lives. Leaving the house with a three year old alone and the stove on seemed to be the invitation she required.

The irony of the situation is that the one time my wife and I are united in cause, is the one time we are destined to lose. Gwen has expressed only too clearly that she will make it her life's mission to see that we are no longer involved with Karla's fate.

I hate that word. But with the time I have spent in the courtrooms these past few weeks, it seems the only fate Karla will ever share with my wife and I is existing in the same moment of time.

A/N: Thank you for the tkme you took to read "Time and Fate". Let me know your Thoughts on the piece by dropping a comment here🙌