Loser's Guide on Getting Laid (Huniepop Fanfiction)

1

I sat at the bar with my two best friends on another Sunday night after work. We took a shot of Fireball, slamming the shot glass down.

Ricky, my best friend since high school sat across from me. He is engaged to his crush and going on 6 years. He's a realtor that is the Master of Realtor.

Then again, he learned from his father.

Then, there's my college best friend, David, who sat in the middle. But the coolest thing is that he's a rapper that goes by Lil Dicky.

Ricky: Have you notice that we've been sitting here, drinking, and doing the same thing for almost 7 month?

He was right. For 7 months, all three of us would come together, sit, drink, Ricky would text his future wife, Lil Dicky would make some jokes, and I would bitch about my day.

Dicky: Oh shit, we've have, man. We need a new thing to do. Hell, karaoke night, go to a concert, roll a joint.

I wasn't paying attention. I was looking a couple sitting by the window, enjoying their time together.

They probably have a great life together, love each other, [Nicky?] Have sex went they want to, [Nicky?] don't bitch about not enough money...

Ricky: Nicholas!

I snap back to reality after hearing my birth blurted out to the bar.

"Yes, Ricardo!" I growled.

Ricky: Dude, it's not nice to stare, bro.

"I wasn't staring."

Dicky: Yeah, you were. You were staring at that couple like a fat kid stares at a big ass cake.

Ricky: You were staring at them like Dexter stares at his victims before stabbing them.

"I wasn't staring like a serial killer."

Dicky: Yeah, I wouldn't say it like that. But yeah, you did.

Ricky: I can tell by your look. You miss her, don't you?

"Yes I do. Not a day goes by that I don't think about Natasha..."

My best friends rolled their eyes, letting out a huge ugh.

Natasha if you couldn't tell, is my ex. She was the most gorgeous girl in the world...to me, at least. We broke up after I caught her cheating on me.

Dicky: Dude, it's been a year and a half. It's time to move on.

Ricky: Dicky's right. You need to move on. She has.

Dicky: She's probably getting down on by twin light skinned brothers with 10 inches, taking turns, having her in all kinds of positions.

Dicky and Ricky: All kinds...

"Dammit, You two. Do you really think I want to picture that in my head?!"

Ricky: Yeah, when you go home to jerk off to sleep.

The two of them laughed at my misery. I couldn't help that the one woman in the world stole my heart and then ripped it in pieces and moved on while I haven't.

I got up to head to the bartender. I need another drink.

Oh, where are my manners? This miserable excuse of a human name is Nicolas. But I go by Nicky.

I'm just your average loser. All I do is work retail, play video games, read fanfics, and sleep. I just...living an average, boring life.

I waited for the bartender to come my way to take my order. Someone came up beside, brushing their arm against mine.

???: Hi there!

I took a look and saw a lovely woman wearing a red lace dress with a big black bow tie, matching with black short shorts. She was a brunette with cute green eyes.

I look on the other side of me, thinking she was talking to someone else. But we were the only one here.

"Uh. Who, me?"

???: Yeah, you!

"Oh, sorry. I just...don't talk to girls much."

???: Well, you're talking to one now, champ. My name is Kyu, nice to meet you.

"Nice...to meet you...Kyu. I'm Nicky."

We traded smiles before she spoke again.

Kyu: Look dude. Are you gonna be alright? Looks like you're having some trouble holding it together over there...

Well it has been awhile since I've talked to someone. I'm thinking this was actually happening, Ricky and Dicky got someone to talk to me.

Sweat was on my forehead and I smiled a little creepily. I cleared my throat. I gotta keep it cool.

"Yeah. I'm...I'm chill. Cool as a cucumber."

Kyu: Yeah. That's a fat load of shit and you know it!

Fudge nuggets! She saw through me.

"Was it that obvious?"

Kyu: I could see how uncomfortable you are right now from space

My eyes widen as I couldn't believe. This was so embarrassing. A woman finally talks to me and I just collapse like a possum in front of it's prey.

Kyu: Hmmm...wait...you know what? This might actually work! Yeah, YEAH! Oh man! 

"Whaaaaa"

Kyu say this may work. Oh my god. Maybe I wasn't a loser. This might work into something wonderful. I can finally get over Natasha!

Kyu: This is your lucky day buddy! Listen, I gotta go, but we'll meet again real soon. Trust me. Night!

I stood there as she flaunt off from the bar and out the door. First time talking to her and I got immediately friend-zoned and she left.

I glanced at the guys who had their mouths gapped open. They saw my eye twitched and a painful on my face as I brought their drinks.

Dicky: Dude, did my eyes deceive me or did you...talk...to...a girl?

Ricky: You okay, Nick?

"Here...I gotta go to bed. Early shift tomorrow."

I walked out of the bar like a constipated weiner dog, got in my car and left.

Ricky and Dicky ran out of the bar, but I left the parking lot.

❤❤❤

I arrived in my studio apartment at midnight, immediately went on my PS4. After an hour and a half of playing, I got off and went to wash up for bed.

I looked at myself in the mirror, trying to see if there was anything wrong with me. What made me different from other guys.

I'm good looking? I'm intelligent? Ugh, who am I kidding? I'm meh. Maybe I'm just born to be a loser.

Maybe I was born to be alone.