Dad Bods {ManXMan} NaNoWriMo 2018✔

{NINETEEN}

{NINETEEN}

He didn't see anything. He didn't see Scott close to me. We had moved apart before he walked through the door. But I was still standing in the store, with two ice cream sundaes waiting for me, with another man on the other side of town.

But, so was my son. Minus the ice cream, he was standing the a random store on the other side of town with a boy. It was like two cars meeting a deer. Both of us looked at each other like water had just been splashed down our backs.

"Dad, Scott? What are you guys doing here?" How sure was I that he didn't see anything? I wasn't I wasn't sure what he'd seen. His friend had come in before him, what had he seen? I was starting to sweat, my hand finding its way to the back of my neck as my eyes darted between Eric and Scott. Scott, who looked just as lost as I was, pale and looking around like he was trying to find anything else to look at but what was happening right in front of him.

"We um. We just had a meeting with a high profile client." I started, I needed to keep my lie from earlier together, I didn't want to tell Eric another story then I had told Janet and Morgan, or things would get worse for me than they already were. "Scott was just there as a lawyer." I looked at Scott, he looked at me, shocked I could only assume at the lie I was telling my son. But he just nodded his head with me, looking back to Eric.

Eric, on the other hand, didn't look convinced, his eyes sliding to the ice cream that was starting to melt beside us. "And instead of going home after your meeting, you went for ice cream?"

"To celebrate," Scott said, grabbing the two sundaes. "The meeting went well. Whos your friend?"

It was like Eric had just remembered his friend beside, a young African-American man with dark skin and short line up hairstyle with a razor cut line on one side. He was the same height as Eric, but bulkier than him like he had hit the gym more. Wearing a red football jersey and black jeans I had never seen the boy before, and normally I knew all of Eric's friends. "This is Taj." Plan, simple. Eric walked to the cash as Taj went down an aisle and grabbed two bottles of coke.

"See you at home," I said to Eric as I walked past him, leaving the store.

I felt gross, the night started off bad, got good, then turned bad again. Scott and I didn't speak when we got into his car, nor did we speak as he drove through town, our ice creams left the melt in the cup holders. I thought he was taking us back to my car, but I was surprised when he pulled off into a park, parking the car in the empty lot and turning towards me.

I looked at me, sighing as my head lolled to the side, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have put you in that position, to lie like that."

Scott shook his head, letting out a deep sigh as he looked towards the empty playground. "I knew there was going to be lying. I knew there was going to be secrets. I just didn't think it would be like this." He shook his head again, reaching over to grab my hand. I held it, tightly. "I figured it would be more, wait until you were divorced and then just play it as we got together afterwards. Eric knows. I saw the look he gave us. He knows. When do you start counselling?"

"Our first appointment is Wednesday at two."

We fell silent again, our hands still holding tight. And that's how we stayed until well past midnight until Scott dropped me off at my car and I drove home, alone outside, and inside.

Janet and I sat together in a medium room together across from a counsellor named Hannah Bennett.

"And how long have you two been married?" Dr. Bennett asked, one leg was stretched over the other as she looked to Janet and me. She was a gorgeous woman, pencil skirt, blue blouse, hair in a bun on her head, glasses on. She was what I thought of when I thought of a counsellor.

"We've been married for sixteen years," Janet said. Her and Doctor Bennett had been getting along very well so far, even though we were only about twenty minutes into our meeting with her.

"Is there anything you two would like to start with? Sidney, how about you? You've been pretty quiet since we've sat down. Tell me about yourself." She put her pen down on her notepad, ready to write whatever was about to come out of my mouth.

"Well," I started, my hand bouncing mine on my knee. "Janet and I have been together for almost eighteen years. I love her dearly, she's my whole world. Her and our two kids. I've been feeling very -- How do I put this. Empty, as of late. But I guess that's not really something about myself... I'm a dentist, I like golfing, I recently became a fan of red wines." Dr, Bennett nodded, writing everything down.

"You said you're feeling empty, empty how?"

"I'm -- I'm not sure. I guess empty in the sense that, I'm not feeling fulfilled in the marriage any more."

"Do you mean..?"

"Sexually, yes. Emotionally, everything is fine. She loves me, she treats me with so much love. I just don't feel like I can give her that back in return." I was saying a lot for the first sitting, but the sooner everything came out, the sooner I could get it off my chest and be free to do, who and what I wanted.

"Janet, how does it make you feel hearing Sidney say these things?"

I looked at my wife, whose eyes, and face was red. This was hard for her, we spoke about it on our drive out. She didn't totally' understand why we were coming to this. But I had tried to assure her that it would be for the best. "It hurts. I had assumed everything was fine. Yes, our sex life was getting a little dry. But we still had sex. I just assumed it was something to do with age and stress. But lately, he's been sleeping on the couch, going out and staying out late. Meeting with friends I have never met before." She paused looking at me. "He isn't acting like the man I married, and I'm not sure that man is in there anymore."

I took her hand, giving it a squeeze. "That was very brave of you both to say. We're taking great steps for our first day." Dr, Bennett stood up. "I would like to see you both this time next week, I'll have Cindy book your appointment, is that alright with you both?"

Janet and I nodded, walking out of the office and getting our appointment from Cindy on the desk, as we walked to the elevator Janet stopped, pulling me by the arm to halt me as well. "Sidney, do you still love me?"

"Jan, of course I do."

"Then why are we doing this?"

I sighed, wrapping her in my arms, tighly holding her head to my chest as she held me back. "It's just something I need to do. Ok?" She nodded her head. After a couple of seconds we let go of each other, and we walked to the car.

I wish I could tell her myself, tell her that I was seeing someone, a man. But she had been raised with Christian roots, and though I know she had no problem with gay people, I didn't know how she would react if I had come right out and said it on our own. Seeing Dr, Bennett would benefit us both. And with time, I would tell her. And I guess we would just need to see where it would go from there.