XXI. New Normal

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"All men are afflicted with some burden or the other," he said, "and one can be fooled into thinking a fellow is uncaring when all he is, is heart-broken." Rehan Khan, A Tudor Turk

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Chapter XXI – New Normal


"I really wish you would have told me, Shea," I whispered after a while. I remembered him asking me about growing up without a dad on our first date, while we were talking down on the beach. And as I shared something deeply personal with him, he had known who my dad was, and what had happened to him.

"I wanted to, Sara. Believe me, telling you everything was what I wanted to do. I just thought I was doing the right thing by keeping you out of it. I hadn't counted on you being smart enough to work it out on your own." Shea paused and then frowned. "That was supposed to be a compliment."

I managed a small smile. I ran my fingertip over the page, outlining his smile with my nail.

"It wasn't my place, no matter how much I wanted it to be," he uttered quietly. "Your mom needed to tell you."

"I understand that," I uttered. "But I still can't help but feel lied to," I admitted. "Your heart was in the right place, but you lied to me." I watched as Shea's face fell from hopefully apologetic, to shameful. "If I am supposed to be this important person in your life, then I want complete honesty from you. My dad," my voice cracked, "he waited four years to tell my mom the truth. If he had been honest from the start, then maybe ... maybe, she wouldn't have taken me away from him. Maybe," goddammit, more tears, "maybe, he would still be here."

I was still feeling all kinds of confused with regards to my mom. She was not innocent here. She had lied to me for seventeen years. She had kept me from knowing about this man, this real person, my daddy, who loved me and wanted me.

"Sara, your mother was a frightened, twenty-year-old girl who had just found out monsters were real. Couple that in with pregnancy, and all the fears that come with that, I probably would have made the same decision were I in her shoes."

Shea and I both turned to the entrance of the living room. Standing there was a woman who could only be Shea's mom. What caught me immediately were her eyes. Her large, brown eyes, that were so incredibly sad. She was pale, and very slender, and probably the same height as Cece. Her hair was an ashy blonde, though there were sporadic greys, and it looked thin and wavy. She wore comfortable house clothes, sweatpants and a long-sleeved t-shirt, the sleeves only emphasizing how thin her arms were.

She looked like life was incredibly hard for her, and she looked on the wrong side of thin. I could see exactly why Shea felt the need to look after her.

This woman had lost her soulmate.

I then began to register exactly what she'd said to me.

"Mom, this is Sara. Sara, this is my mom, Karen," Shea introduced softly.

Karen managed a smile, as she walked into the room. "The last time I saw you, Sara, you still smelled like a newborn." Karen sat down on the armchair that was adjacent to the couch we were sitting on.

"It's nice to ... see you again, Mrs Braverman," I replied politely.

"Karen, please," she insisted. "Shea and Cece have talked about you constantly since you and your mother arrived back in Providence. I'm glad I could finally get to see how you've grown up. And you have done, beautifully."

"Mom," Shea hissed, but I quite enjoyed this change. His mother was embarrassing him. This was normal.

"Thank you, Karen," I said gratefully.

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