Blue Side (Jung Hoseok x Readers)

Chapter 17

After the numbness had faded away and the tears had dried, your feet hit the cold hardwood floor. You tried your hardest to push everything aside, all of the awful memories, all of the awful parts of the story. You tried not to picture your mother's face, or your father's, or Hoseok's when Seokjin told him to stay away from you. You could only imagine how lonely he must have felt, the person who he thought would always stay forgot about him completely and moved on with her happy life and left him behind in the past.

You walked up the familiar staircase with ease, maybe just a little bit of heaviness in your chest, but not the anxiety you felt this morning. His door was shut completely. Soft orange glow came through from underneath the door crack, he was still awake even though it was already so late. Then you did something you would never do, knocking on his door. His footsteps shuffled hastily to the door, he was hoping it would be you.

He quickly opened the door, scanning your face to see if there was anything wrong. His eyes were wide, his lips rosy and parted, his hair was down, slightly curled at the end. You remembered how his hair had been long when he was little, long enough to the point where he would let you put it in a ponytail or played with it how ever you liked because he loved the smile on your face.

"Y/N, are you okay?" he asked softly. Your head hung low, staring at the ground. It took all of his strength to hold himself back from hugging you. "You remember, don't you?"

"Why didn't you tell me?" you asked, eyes still pinned to the floor. Hoseok was wearing fuzzy socks with his joggers.

"What?"

"Why didn't you tell me what really happened? My mom, my past, my memories, you." You stared at him when saying the last part. "I forgot about you. And you led me to believe that you were a monster when in reality you were just trying to cope. It doesn't erase all the bad things you've done, I mean, I don't even know if you've ever anything bad because you don't tell me anything, but why would make yourself look so horrible in my eyes?"

He bit his lips, then looked away. He couldn't handle your gaze, he felt that he doesn't deserve it. "Because you should hate me."

"What?" you questioned. "Can I come in?" He hesitated to move from the door. He had nothing to hide, but to him, his room felt too tainted for you. Nonetheless, he moved aside and allowed you to enter. The orange glow came from his lamp, next to the purple horse, "Did I give you that?"

He nodded and couldn't hold back a fond smile, "On my birthday, the year of the accident. It keeps me calm throughout the years." The horse had been kept safe and clean. It was incredibly precious to Hoseok.

You turned to face him, "Hoseok, what happened?"

He carefully sat down on the other side of the bed, facing the open window. A cool breeze blew passed the curtains, making them flutter like wings. "After what the accident, the mafia boss sent his men to kill me." Hoseok began, his back shoulders raised and lowered rhythmically. "I couldn't go home, or else it would put Areum in danger. So I did what any young teenage boy with a broken heart would do, I joined another mafia. It wasn't the money or to cause anyone pain, well except one. My goal was to get revenge for you, for your mom, your whole family. It was my mission to kill that man who touched you and made you this way. The only way I could do that was to work my way up to the top, which was what I did. Over the years, I've been gathering information about the whereabouts of that man. Every time I thought I could get to him, he would disappear like a ghost."

Then he turned where you could only see his profile. The glow made him look like an angel. He felt further away, even though he was within arms reach. "I've killed people before," he confessed. "I have beaten people up, use them for my own gain. I'm not a good person. I want you to hate me."

"Then why did you take me?"

He sighed, then rubbed the back of his neck shyly."Honestly, I don't know. Maybe because you brought yourself to me in that moment. I was consumed with greed and missing you like crazy. I came back here to make sure that you were okay. But the part of me that wanted you grew too powerful for me to control. That's why I stayed, and did all of this." His head fell to his hands. "Fuck, I'm so sorry. I hurt you and made you so scared. All because I was selfish."

He looked so small at the moment, reminding you of all the time he would cry when he was little. Your heart tugged. After a few seconds of silence, you crawled onto the bed and rested your forehead on his back. His body tensed but he didn't move or push you back.

"I was scared," you cried. "To be taken away to this strange place with a stranger."

"I'm sorry."

You shook your head, "But the pain you felt, being away and being alone. I can't even begin to imagine, you must have been even more frightened. I'm sorry too. For misunderstanding when you did this for me. I also understand that being in the mafia, it's hard for you to express your feelings and the coldness that manifested was your defense mechanism. I can't forgive you so easily for being violent towards me, but now I know you don't mean it and I can be prepared for the next time."

Hoseok's eyebrows furrowed. He gently turned his body around so that your head wouldn't fall forward. "There won't be a next time, because you're not staying here anymore."

"What?"

"Now that you know the truth, it's even more unsafe for you. I don't want you to be involved in this life of mine. I can't risk anything else happening to you. I'll have someone take you back to your family tomorrow."

"I'm not leaving. Now that I know the truth, I know that you need me, because I'll need you just as much."

"Mi amor,"

"And I want to be the one to kill that bastard." you remarked, embers in your eyes. When he didn't say anything, you felt disheartened. "You love me, right?"

Hoseok looked at you in disbelief, "Of course I do."

"Then that settles that. Besides, this would be the safest place for me to be. You won't hurt me and I want to regain all my memories of us. Little by little."

"Alright." Gingerly, Hoseok laid his forehead on your shoulder. It was like he was recharging, finally able to breathe again. He felt tired of the lies and secrets. A huge weight was lifted from him. It felt even better that you weren't repulsed by him and that you were starting to accept him. It'll be slow progress, but he'll be happy to comply as long as you're with him.