Dear Diary

Chapter 7

All I wanted was to become a star and to sing in front of a really big crowd. Now, all I want is to survive.

I saw the Joe who I talked to very often. His smile reminds me of my childhood because it is so full with happiness and hope. I really wish I was as optimistic as he is. We talked to each other a few times and I really like him. Maybe he does also but were aware to not keep in touch. I dont know but I really often think about him. I also think about my family especially about what Max is doing right now. Maybe they learned to live without my but I am sure that they wont forget me. Is he still reading German books? Did he find friends? What about Father? Is he happy? Is my family saved? Whats going on outside and what about the war? How is it going and when does it stop? I have so many unanswered questions. It is wasted time to think about others actually. I am sure theyre not thinking about me right now. Anyway, all I have is myself at the end of the day and all I want is for that to be okay but it isnt. it is unfair to be here. It is not my fault to be nearly blind. God decided that for me. Why isnt he sitting here? Wow, I have to stop my thoughts.

I am going to search for Carla.

Carla is one of those persons who are needed in our world. Hitler is self-inflicted. He is guilty. Guilty for everything that happened. How can someone live with such a burden like that. He literally doesnt cares about others. He only thinks of himself. Me, me, me,me. That is on his mind. I hate him. We all do. But no one really says that. the exception is Carla. She always says what is on her mind and I think that is a good character trait. She plays with her life but she really dont care. Why should she? Were all going to die, earlier or later. Make every day the best of your life. Every day could be your last. Dont be scared. Try your best. It will be okay. You will be okay.

Yesterday I found my diary in one of those theatre boxes which are standing in the right house. I got a pencil from an old man who was really nice actually. I guess it is time to write my thoughts down.

Dear Diary,

I am here since three months. It is not a camp. It is a a warehouse. a prison. I cant get out of it. All we want is to survive and all we have is ourselves. I met a girl who I saw before I got in here. When I lived with my family. Her name is Carla and she is the best friend I ever had. She is just so confident and she doesnt thinks too much about everything like I do. She is the perfect friend for me and I am really proud to have her by my side. I also met a guy. He looks really good and he is really nice but it is not the best idea to have realationships In here. It could be dangerous. I am dreaming about what is going to happen after this. Will I ever see my family again? Did they forgot about my existence? No they didnt forgot, I am sure about that. They arent that mean. I wish Id know what s happening in the war right now. We are so far away from everything and we dont know what is happening in the world. That is really stressful for everyone. But we cant save anything. Goodbye.

Your Evelin

Carla and I are working when Joe enters the room. He really destroys me with his looks even if I cant see his eyes. Hello you two. Can I help you? He asks. Sure why not? But I wanted to leave yet. Carla says. Im going with you. I answer. No, you wont. I am going alone. Me myself and I. She giggles while she leaving.

He looks at me. What are you doing in here? The weather is great isnt it? Go and play outside! Ha Ha, very funny! Oh I wanted to take the next train to Paris! Do you want to go with me? I say. Sure I want to come with you. I have to prepare things for the theatre group. Really boring and my singing probe is soon today. Sounds not as bad as my day will be. Doing nothing is literally the most boring thing you can do. Yes, youre not wrong. He smiles again. Why am I so confident while talking to him and why am I feeling comfortable by his side? He is so nice and I dont know but he has something that makes me happy. I am not sure about my feelings right now. I was never sure about them.

Well, I have to leave right now, so. See you. Joe says. I just smile and he goes away. I must look very dumb while smiling. But this is the first time that I feel really happy since I am here. I feel optimistic about getting out of this alive. But first I have to prepare some things for the theatre group.

It takes me one hour to get all the costumes together. Those things are the propertys of the people who live here or lived here. I am one of ten people who arrived with me and who survived. On the day of arrival we were fifty. And it is getting harder and harder every day that is why I am blessed to be still alive. The theatre group enters the house.

Du kannst gehen.

I am leaving the house and I guess he was right. The weather is absolutely amazing today. Normally Id go outside with Max but he isnt here. Maybe he is in another Lager. I feel so sorry for my whole family. For my grandmother. For my father and for my brother Max. I dont know what they are going through. Maybe I dont want to know.

Evelin! What did he say? Tell me everything! Carla shouts at me. Come down Carla! We talked a bit of what we did today! What are you thinking? You like him! She giggles. He is nice but that means really nothing! I dont got time to fall in love right now! She laughs at me. Oh! You are a business woman! I am so sorry I should have more respect Mrs Evelin! Sometimes Carla is really annoying. Leave me alone you stupid girl! She laughs more now.

The last three months were really exciting for all of us. But actually not in a good way. Everyone is scared of dying every single day. It is actually very weird to look at all of those scared faces who are never happy.