Dear Diary

Chapter 9

Joe and I would be the perfect grandparents-pair. If we had a future. That sounds really sad but it is the reality. That is why I didnt want a realationship or something like that. But Joe is such so nice to me and he gives me compliments. He calls me Darling and Madame in his own funny way and I really enjoy the attention he gives me. I just have to know that this will never have a future even if wed survive. If Id get out of here Id try to find my family first. Joe is the second important thing. He isnt really a part of my life and I dont really know him.

I am still really happy that I got social contacts in here. I wouldnt know whats to do without Carlas jokes and Joes compliments. They are keeping me happy in times like ours but I am not sure if Im giving that back to them. I have emotions. Very much. But I dont show them at the right time.

Carla can I ask you something? We are sitting on the floor and were about to patch a sweater. For sure. What is it? Do you think that someone thinks of you right now? That Someone could miss you? She looks really sad at me. Her eyes are getting really big while shes speaking.

Should I be honest? Even if Id survive this I wouldnt know where to go. I guess Id rather die. Okay, that was really honest. Carla, I dont think so. Even if no one would notice, you could live with us. I hope my family is doing well and I also hope that they didnt forget us. If we wouldnt find them we could live together. I wouldnt leave you alone. Come here. She comes closer and I am giving her a hug because I think she needs it.

Weitermachen, Ihr zwei! Was fällt euch ein, eure Arbeit zu unterbrechen, es gibt nichts zu trösten, also macht gefälligst weiter.

A soldier has entered the room. Carla looks at me. Wir bitten um Verzeihung. She says. The soldier looks really unhappy. He reminds me of a teacher I had when I went to school. Very strict but actually really alone and unhappy. A life as a soldier must be like that.

He leaves. We must be very careful. God blessed us because we are still alive. Carla whispers and I nod. We are going on and after half an hour we got it finished.

Dear Diary,

We are only thirty people who are living here even if the expression living is very exaggerated. We are working for a man who wants to wipe us out. The soldiers are getting less and the people are thankful and scared at the same time. If Id publish my diary, people would say She survived until they were thirty people! She must be grateful for that! Yes I am, but this wont be long anymore. We are preparing ourselves for the bitter death.

Your Evelin

I must be ten kilos lighter now. Were not getting any food here. People who are sleeping next to me every night had some bread and they gave it around. I would be dead without them I guess. Getting water is only possible when you accept the fact that you have to get it from the dirty ground but it is better than nothing. The most people died because they didnt got the food that, for example, I got.

We got a plan for the things that we have to do every day. I have to clean the ground inside the houses and I have to help with building little wood houses which isnt that difficult now.

I also have to patch the clothes that the theatre group needs. Carla helps me with that even if she has to do pretty much too. The point is, that we want to spend time together. I am the only Person she has and she is one of the most important persons I know. I dont know about Joe. I never was good in things which have to do with love. I guess he had a girlfriend before he met me. There were many boys who liked me before but I never was in a realationship because I am just not good at it. I would disappoint him. I will disappoint him. He is to good for me. I am lying on a thing which you could call bed if you want. A woman gives me her last bread. Are you sure? It is the last piece of bread that you got. I say. No my dear, you need it better than me. I am sure that you will survive.

She looks so sad. I cant say yes I think. No keep it. Youll need it. I have to go now. I answer. I stand up and I am about to leave the little house. I take a quick look and I see the woman who is putting the piece of bread on my bed. She is a really good woman. I know her since I arrived. I am going to search for Joe. After a few minutes I find him. Joe we need to talk. I guess I said that with too much temperament because people are starring at us. Come on let us talk. He says with the sweetest smile I have ever seen.

I am not sure if I want to do this. We are standing behind one of the houses. He has put his hands around my waist. What do you mean Darling? I mean I am really bad at realationships and I dont want you to get in danger. What if theyd find out about us? Come down Darling. What would they do? I dont think that we are theyre biggest problem. He is so brave. I feel so saved when I am by his side. He smiles at me and I smile back.

Yes I am sorry. I thought too much as always. I say. Yes, as always. Should I show you something really beautiful? Follow me.

He is going really fast. Why are you going that fast? I say. Trust me Darling. He answers. After a few minutes we arrived the big barbed wire fence. Behind the fence is a big field. How much flowers can you count? Joe asks. I smile. There must be a million flowers. Youre right. Id pick them all up for you if we were outside. He is really romantic and I dont really know, how to handle with it. I dont give an answer but I smile at him and I think that is enough. Do you think well survive? I ask. He looks really surprised for how fast I changed the Theme but he thinks about it. Then he says: No. But I hope for it. He gives me always really good answers. He treats me good. I can make jokes with him but I also can talk serious with him. I forgot to answer. Yes, youre right.

Ihr da! Ihr da drüben!

A soldier, I guess. Joe has put his hand in mine and he shakes suddenly.

Herkommen, unzwar schnell!

He gives me a sign and we are running to where the soldier is standing.

Gut, dass der Rest von euch heute wegkommt. So, und jetzt weg mit euch.

I learned German with Carla but I only understand a few words and the only word Ive understand from what the soldier said was Wegkommen and it means that youre get away. I have to ask her for the rest. I am sorry Joe, I have to find Carla. Before he could say anything I am running away. I am finding Carla really fast. She talks to a person who is standing next to the left house. Carla, come with me, please I have to tell you something! Come down! She answers. She follows me and I am beginning to talk about the sentence, the soldier said. Dass der Rest von euch heute wegkommt. She says it and it sounds probably like the soldiers sentence. But she is not looking so happy. Evelin that is not a good sign. It means that the rest of us gets away today! She whispers. I never heard her voice so scared. But now I understand why.