Tomorrow's Blues

17. Thunderstorm

Later on in the night, I laid in bed awake, like usual, thinking about Harry, about Joseph, about the kiss. Despite having been a beautiful, sunny day earlier, I could now hear rain drumming loudly on the roof, the wind whistling in the night. The rain wasn't the thing keeping me awake – I actually loved the sound of it, but my brain just wasn't shutting off. After Harry and I had kissed, we'd said goodbye and I'd got the bus back to Alice's house. Alice had grilled me, of course, shrieked when I told her about the kiss, all in all just being Alice. In the evening, Alice, her parents and I all had a nice dinner together, and I couldn't help but notice Joseph's absence. He'd barely been at home this past week, and his parents didn't seem to find it strange at all. Every day I spent at the Moore house made me more curious about what had gone down between them all.

I tossed and turned in bed, mind racing. I'd thought my date with Harry would help me sort out my feelings, but it didn't. It just made me more confused. God, what was I even doing?

I knew what I needed. Food.

I tiptoed out of my room and down the stairs, the loud rain masking any sound my footsteps might have made. I suddenly noticed that the light was on by the sofa. Joseph was sitting there, drawing something. I stopped, thinking about turning around and going back to my room, but our encounter earlier this afternoon firmed my resolve to keep trying with Joseph.

I walked over to the sofa and went to stand right in front of Joseph, whose only indication that he knew I was there was the brief flicker of his eyes up to me. He didn't stop sketching. I sat down next to him, and just watched him for a moment. He didn't try to hide what he was drawing from me, which was a start. He was drawing a pair of eyes, staring mysteriously out of the page. The detail was incredible.

"They're amazing," I commented, and Joseph didn't reply. I sighed and just said, "Okay. I'll wait until you've finished before I talk."

Joseph's pencil stopped moving on the paper. His eyebrows were furrowed in concentration, but then his expression relaxed and he put his sketchpad and pencil on the table next to him, leaning back on the sofa and rubbing his face with his hands in what looked like frustration.

"Are you going to apologise?" I asked.

Joseph shook his head, eyes closed.

"Are you going to say anything? And I swear to god, if you ask me about my date with Harry, I will kill you here and now."

The smallest of smiles appeared on his face. "That bad?"

"I am not talking about it with you," I said firmly. "You are going to tell me why you've been such a dick this past week. Whatever you said earlier wasn't enough."

Joseph exhaled slowly, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees. "I meant what I said earlier. I don't know what else I can say."

"What happened that suddenly made you act as if I didn't even exist?" I said softly. Joseph didn't reply. "I thought – I thought you hated me."

His eyes flashed. "Of course I don't hate you, Lily."

"Well, what else was I supposed to think?" I snapped. "You helped me at the beach because you knew that I wouldn't be able to get in the water. You know that you've done a lot for me, but I just... I just want to know why you acted like this towards me. I just want to know what I did wrong."

"God, you didn't do anything wrong," Joseph said sharply. "I just – I'm sorry, okay?"

I bit my lip. "Sorry for the way you treated me or sorry because you can't tell me why?" He didn't reply. I turned to look at him, my voice slightly shaky as I said, "I'm not going to push this Joseph. I don't know what happened in your past and it's not my place to ask about it. I just don't understand what it's got to do with me." For a while he didn't answer, and so I stood up, fully intending to storm out. Just as I was walking away, he spoke.