The Ivory Rite

Chapter 24

"I need for you to alter my hair, Raina." I try not to cringe as I say the words. "Permanently." Her hands falter as she fixes my wig the next morning.

"Oh, Diem, no," she whispers, her face paling.

"My appearance shackles me to this room. I'm only inconveniencing myself by hanging onto it." I turn to look at her. "It's vain, and unwise. There are many people in the castle now." She frowns, but nods.

"Are you sure?" She takes a step back, studying me.

"Yes. It needs to be done as soon as possible." I spent years screaming and throwing things every time Margret suggested that my hair be dyed so we could cease use of the wigs. As shameful as I understood I was, something inside me was unwilling to give away that piece of myself. It felt wrong.

It still feels wrong.

But it also felt wrong to be condemned to hiding last night. The reality of my situation is that I cannot leave my room without over an hour of preparation. Circumstances will arise which require my swift attention. It's irresponsible of me to hinder my own movement. After all, it's only hair. What I look like on the outside is important to everyone else. Maybe let it not be so important to me.

I stand, turning to Raina. "Can you arrange it for tonight? With Eva?" She bows, her eyes rising to meet mine.

"Anything you need," she says.

"I'll still be me, Raina." It's not a question, but it feels like one. In some small way this feels like a step in the wrong direction—like a piece of the battlefield I'd rather not concede.

"It doesn't matter what you look like, Diem." She gives me a small smile. "It's what you do that matters." Clearing her throat, she leads me to the door. "Are you ready for your first Trinity briefing?" I think it's pride I hear in her voice. I told her about the veto last night, though I should not have. I've come to trust her discretion completely.

"Not even close," I groan as I open the door, this time fully ready to face the awaiting White Watch.

† † †

Landon, Adair and I all stare at the food spread out before us rather than look at each other. Normally breakfast would be held before the briefing, but I decided to combine the two activities, as it seemed more efficient. I also wanted at least one distraction from what I feared would be a very tense interaction. So far my worries were not unfounded—we're off to a less than ideal start.

"I was informed a shipment arrived this morning," I say, giving Adair a pointed look while simultaneously cursing my own impatience. I hadn't planned on bringing it up right away, but I can't help myself. I spent today's early morning hours sleepless, imagining the words exchanged between the two men. I'm anxious to know the truth, at the same time fully aware he may not admit to Toryn's presence or the interaction at all.

"And who informed you of this?" Adair looks up from his food, chewing slowly. I frown. 

No one, I think. I saw it. I saw you.

"That's not important," is what I say out loud. "What can you tell me about it?" He stares at me for a few long moments during which I forget that Landon is in the room with us.

"What shipment?" Landon asks, reminding me of his presence by interjecting himself into the conversation. Adair glances at him before looking back to me.

"All that glass she requested. It came in the middle of the night." He frowns. "Ordering my men to accept that shipment beforehand could have resulted in a security breach."