DID, OSDD

Kate

Four days ago Rose (the host) had gone dormant and now I am left in front.
I used to be host before Rose, 5 years ago but then sh!t went down, I lost my cool and Cora went dormant because of me.
So Rose came to be and has taken the role of the host ever since. She's kept us safe, nearly happy (never quite), had the body healthy and set goals for our futures. All our futures.
She went out of her way to keep peace, involve us all and know each one of us personally. She kept everything together.

Her parents think she's the 'original' but Rose was always Rose. She wasn't the original, she was just her. Now she's gone and I don't know how to bring her back. I tried asking Cora, but she either still hates me for forcing her into dormancy or she genuinely doesn't remember how she woke from dormancy.

Reddit said we needed to remove or resolve the reason behind her dormancy but we can't exactly remove this issue. Not to mention, it's Reddit, not at all a reliable source. I don't know who to ask about this kind of thing and where to find reliable information. I don't believe what Reddit said, but I'm also desperate.

Her mother is trying to tell me that it's alright that I am here, that I am accepted and 'one of the kids' but she must think I am a fool. She near on cries every time I walk into a room. She keeps looking at me like I'm a stranger, I am but not the point. She found it hard to believe that I don't like the same things Rose did. She's tense, and she never liked me. She talks to me like I'm not real, like I'm here for Rose's benefit and that's all.

I just want Rose back, we have a course to complete and relationships to keep civil. All the others have already moved on, like she never existed or her absence means nothing. Changes nothing.

All I know is that I am about to scare the absolute sh!t out of her counselor and no doubt land myself in a lot of trouble. Trouble I can't palm off to Rose for her to sort out.

It's hard to admit and I wish I told Rose this, but I loved her so much. I was IN love with her, and she's gone. The last thing I said to her was 'I told ya so' and it was an ill timed and plain nasty 'told ya so'. It wasn't meant to be funny, it was meant to hurt her.

Maybe I am the reason she left