Within The Trees

Family Dinner

There I stood, like a statue in the entry. Father sat at the head of the table, as he should, in a dark blue robe it seemed that accented the color in his eyes. The oak table before us, was like a beacon for all the delicious food that begged to be eaten. Once again, my stomach growled, and this time it caused a slight shove to my back by Arcanum. I still couldn't look away from Father for more than a few moments, so I let my dearest brother lead me to the table. He pulled out one of the chairs on the left side of Father and practically placed me in it. In that moment, I snapped back from what felt like a trance and softened my eyes in greeting. Father smiled at me, "You look beautiful, Shakira. Doesn't she Asil?" His gaze had moved over to Arcanum with this question. Arcanum took his seat and had such a genuine smile when he said, "She looks radiant, Father... I have exceptional taste in clothing for her."

I could feel the flush in my cheeks at his response. "You... you picked out this outfit? Like everything in this outfit?" 

He laughed, moving his hand into his hair and pushing from his vision, "Yes, my dear sister, from your basic necessities to the very gown you are wearing so beautifully. It was just this once, to see if you liked it and how it fit. Mainly, so the ladies who do lay out your clothing will know what you like." He clasped his palms in front of him, resting his chin atop them. "So, did I choose well?"

"Um.. yes, yes you did. I have never worn something so light and elegantly made. In all honesty, I'm not sure if I am worthy of such garments." I spoke so nervously, but it was how I truly felt. The clothes, the food, my apparent family... they all seemed to gleam with such pure light and here I sat a mere peasant in the eyes of grace. My eyes fell to my hands in my lap, and in doing so finding their way to the scars from the chains that restrained me to that bed so long ago. I could feel my emotions welling up, the tears that dared escape. The question of how long I would have lasted, if that voices hadn't of told me to run. My finger tips traced the deep grooves of those scars, and absentmindedly I asked, "Could you sense all of it? C-Could you feel my pain? Did you know how many men she gave me to?" The last question, I whispered breathlessly. For the tears I had been fighting back, spilled over.

Next thing I knew, Father's hand was laying over my scarred wrists. I blinked through my tears and turned over me hand to grasp his. His free hand gently lifted my chin to look at him. The pure sadness and agony in his eyes, answered my questions before his words could. I tried my best to turn away in absolute shame, but he wouldn't let me. 

"My beautiful daughter, I failed you time and time again in those moments. I wanted so badly to step in, but I needed you to grow stronger and use the power within you  to break free. I had no idea, that you would endure it for so long, without raising even a hand to your mother." He brought my wrists up to my eyeline, "These are scars of just how much you had to endure, and I want you to only remember what it felt like to break free that day. If that means, remembering my voice telling you to go, then so be it. Levinta, these are your reminders to never give up fighting for your own wellbeing."

In that moment, I wanted to completely break. I felt as if I had failed the memory of my father Ronan...that I had failed my true father as well by letting myself be so weak in those moments. I could feel the itch to run...to once again let the beast take hold and run until I can't feel anything anymore. Yet, I couldn't move, because whilst I was reveling in those memories and feelings...Father had folded me into his arms. He held me against him in such a tender, loving way that I couldn't hold it anymore. I broke. In this dining hall, my Father and my twin saw me completely break as if I were still a small child. My body racked with the sobs that I never dared let escape, and in doing so my mask had loosened and slipped off of my face. I hadn't noticed since my face was practically buried in my Fathers' clothes.

He held me until the sobs subsided. I pulled my head back, and felt a tickle upon my marred lips. A sharp intake of breath, and a slap of my own hand over my horrific lips is what happened next. My eyes moved from Father, to the floor looking for the garment that covered my shame. In my frantic state, I had moved completely from my chair to the floor desperately looking. At that moment, Arcanum had come round the table and kneeled down next to me, "Shakira, you don't have to hide it here. You can breathe here, without any worries." 

I looked up at him, my hand still over my lips and merely shook my head. I breathe freely alone, safely in the woods...and now in that bedroom I suppose. He had already seen it when I bathed, and even then I was thoroughly embarrassed. So, whilst I was kneeling on the floor arguing with my body language, Father sat back in his chair and whistled for our attention. In unison, we turned our eyes to him and saw my garment in his hands. I immediately stood up and reached for it, but when I did he hid it in his robes. My eyes widened at his actions, and I went to him with my free hand still open for it. He shook his head and pointed my chair. I took this as maybe if I sat down, he'd give it back. So I sat and fixed my dress with my free hand before looking at him again. Whilst I was doing that, Arcanum had sat back down himself and started to eat. 

"We are your family, Shakira. Here you are free of any self doubt about being yourself within these walls. So, at least for our first dinner together, no mask." He then made his own plate and began to eat as well.

I sat there in shock for a moment, watching my family eat normally. Listening to them talk about things I did not know. My stomach once again made itself known of just how hungry I was. Since they seemed to be preoccupied in their conversation, I slowly let my other hand fall from my face so that I may make my plate. I chose to ignore them whilst doing so. There were so many delicious things, so I grabbed a bit of everything and started to eat. It was peaceful for a bit, until Father caught a glimpse of just how bad my lips were...