Fly For Me Bluebird (boy×boy)

Friday Evening

Today is yet another dreaded day where it takes all my strength to get out of bed. Now that it's friday I have all morning and afternoon to anticipate the tutoring session that's to take place after school. As I walk to school, I keep my head to the ground careful not to make eye contact with the row of trees I pass each morning weary of what they might have to say about my anxious state. I skipped breakfast for the fifth day in a row, much like I'm sure I'll skip lunch. It's not been uncommon for me recently to eat once a day, and sometimes not at all. Even eating has begun to feel like a chore.

My mom says since I'm 16 I should be able to start driving and finding some form of employment, but how can I when I can barely handle what's on my plate now? Believe me I want to feel normal, feel... adequate to say the least, but no matter how much I want things to happen for me I can never follow through. I suppose that makes me a loser, or perhaps that just makes me a teenager and I really am overthinking all this.

The trees always manage to hear my thoughts anymore. "Hush fool. You're nothing. Nothing, " they say.

I squeeze my hands into fists. "Will you shut up?!" A young woman rides by me on a mountain bike clearly staring my direction. Pretending to be on my phone I put the device to my ear. I think this rouse works as she turns away from me and continues riding past.

Most of the schoolday passes quickly except english which drags by slower than ever. Finally the final bell rings. Freedom at last. Or wait... shit my tutoring session.

I find the room number sent to my school email and walk down the art hallway and into the room. I make sure to pick a seat closest to the back. "Please sit within the first three rows." Of course Mrs. Willows is in charge of this thing.

I look around nervously wondering who will be working with me or if anyone will want to work with me at all. Minutes tick past before the teacher walks over to me. "Thankyou for coming, I was unsure if you were going to make it."

"So what do you need me to do? Read?"

She grabs the arm of a boy standing behind her. "Victor don't be shy, introduce yourself."

Victor fiddles with his thumbs. "You must be Jeremiah, I'm victor. I'll be helping you read through 'The Great Gatsby' as well as filling out the assigned worksheet."

Great not only does this guy look the part of snobby nerd, but he sounds the part too. "Alright I suppose we should just get this over with."

"So, uh... tell me about yourself. I suppose if were going to be working together I should know a little about you." I almost feel my eyes roll into the back of my head.

"Listen, Victor. This is probably going to be a one time thing so let's just cut to the chase?" Victor gulps and places his hands between his crossed legs.

"Right, that's fine I guess."

By the same time next week my grade in english rises to a C and I'm proud of that letter for once in my life. "Jeremiah sweety, can we talk for a moment?"

I race into the dining room. "Sure mom what's up?"

"I've noticed the sudden increase in your english grade. I was thinking that maybe it's for the best if you continue going to these tutoring sessions." I nearly drop my play script.

"But mom! How will I ever have a social life hanging around the nerd herd all evening."

Mom rolls her eyes and grabs my hand massaging it. "Relax child, it's not like I took musical away from you. You have plenty of friends there."

My eyes trail off behind her and into the kitchen. "Right, and by plenty you mean one."

"Well what about Rosa?" A smile returns to my face.

"Always Rosa mom. To bad it's only Rosa though."

I had managed to push away my other friends one way or another, usually by not showing enough interest in them. It's almost as if I suddenly forgot how to have normal relationships with people. The only sturdy friendship in my life has always been and will always be Rosa. My mother always jokes if I'd not turned out to be gay, I'd probably have married her, and I assume that's probably true. But of course my eyes favor the male form.

I call Rosa and invite her to watch a movie and eat pizza just like the good old days, afraid of what would happen if this friendship fell apart like the others.