Butterflies of the Dark Star

LOG 003

TERMINAL: ONLINE

USER: Intern Researcher Teimea of the B.H Supernova.

DRONE: OFFLINE. MESSAGES UNABLE TO SEND.

MESSAGES:

You calculated it, you told me. I tell myself that over and over. You calculated every single thing, and now I'm starting to wonder if you lied to me. But, no, I saw the fervent belief when I first met you.

I was so stupid, Neo.

Your passion and energy was too much for me, so I dismissed you out of hand and ran the first chance I got when you were like me, lost and far away from home; needing a friend. I'm not like you, I can do well enough by myself — that is until I got to know you, and I almost can't imagine not hearing your voice 90% of the time.

I'm so stupid.

What would have happened had I not let you come to me once more after our stupid debate and ask me if you had done something to piss me off. No. No, you hadn't done anything to piss me off. I was jealous of you.

What am I supposed to do?

I took you for granted.

There's no forgiving that, or filling the hole you left in my life.

I'm so sorry.

(MESSAGE FAILED TO SEND)

Nova, where is this coming from?

What are you talking about?

Why isn't this sending?

...

What?

L O G

One shift before the briefing.

The fluctuations match the substance found on the droid. Everyone else is sceptical, and I can't say I fault them for that — but I'm more certain than ever that Nova had the right idea. This is a heart, of course, not the conventional idea of one. One could say engines are the hearts to a ship. Cores are hearts to the planet. I don't see why we can't compare this to one.

I...

...

Why do I remember something else? It's on the tip of my tongue, it's like when I'm trying to leave to go for a walk, and I forgot my keys, don't remember where I put them last — and then I find them, but forget why I had been so desperately looking for them in the first place.

I'm a mess, I can't stand it.

But what can I do?

Be told that everyone has these problems? Be told that I'm lazy or what have you when I find myself crippled at the monumental task of doing something so simple as, I don't know... cleaning the dishes, or making my room into anything but disorganised chaos? Or even waking up in the morning? I never have trouble finding things, it's when people move them around that I get confused. I know I should do those things before they get out of hand, but its like something in my brain doesn't want to even start what I can't finish. One goes into one, into more and it will just not end.

I want this to show that I'm capable... of actually doing something.

I suppose the first thing I should note is that the anomaly showed signs of stress. Further proving my idea that this is not a normal inanimate anomaly. It's alive. I wonder if it's part of a greater whole that is experiencing the stress. Miss Zynaia is worried it will cause a breach if it continues on this trend of fluctuation.

It is weird though, the moment I came in to do my own data collection, it calmed.

Coincidence? I mean, maybe, I've been told I'm the least calming presence around. I chalk it up to whoever worked with it the most. It doesn't show a similar reaction to the researchers who've barely interacted with it.

It gets warmer when I draw close, it feels like an embrace.

Is it... trying to comfort me? Or itself?

I have so many questions.

I can't keep them straight.