Contracting Lillian

Chapter 11

I had accompanied Milo and Amilios to the door. I had kissed their cheeks, still in my shorts and shirt. I watched them put their shoes on and leave me to the quiet rooms. I didn’t know that a feeling like this would be real but it was and it dawned on me harder each second that I didn’t hear their voices.

I was too sore to workout today even though I never missed a single day of working out but I would. Today would be something new again.

Again, I wandered around. The day went by slowly but fast. It was sort of hard to explain. Mrs. Burrow was here, cleaning and dusting.

“Miss. Lilly?” She greeted me quietly so as not to startle me.

I turned my head and nodded for her to continue.

“I made some lunch. Would you come to the kitchen and eat with me?”

“Of course,” I answered and stood.

An hour or so of chatting with Mrs. Burrow, she told me about her husband and her four year old child. I was curious about what it was like really to be able to have a child of my own.

“He’s a bit of a mess, even though he seems only like a little thing,” she commented with a smile.

“What is it like?” I pry.

“To care for a child?”

“Yes, to have one and birth one.”

Her gaze softened and a smile lifted her lips. “It’s hard at first. The nine months of carrying the child will make you go through a hormonal whirlwind. Then, the birth is miserable if you don’t get the shots, well,” she paused for a second. “I guess to numb it while you push. And after the doctor sets your baby in your arms, you change and your body goes into this complete happiness,” she explained.

I watched her expressions as if her giving birth to her child just happened yesterday. I didn’t understand it at all.

“Do you have a period?” I asked after the silence grew longer. I felt stupid for asking this but I was truely curious.

“Yes,” she laughed before her face grew a bit concerned. “Why do you ask?”

“Oh.”

I looked away from her prying eyes. They bothered me to look into them. I didn’t want to know what they sought out from me. I didn’t want her to know. No one knew about me never having a menstrual cycle or never bleeding except my doctors, father, and Milo. I felt ashamed, humiliated, and other things I didn’t want to admit to myself.

I felt a hand caress the top of mine. Mrs. Burrow smiled understandingly at me. “You know what you need?”

“What do you think I need?”

“A night to relax. Have you ever had a movie at noon?”

“A movie what?”

“Actually,” she brightened up. “I have the perfect idea. What do you think about chocolate ice cream with cookie crumbles?”

“Is it gluten-free?”

She smiled. “I bought some just for you,” she stood up and started pulling things out of the fridge. “I didn’t necessarily know what type of cookies to buy you so I bought you all sorts. The boy’s asked for me to get you some.”