The Outcasts Of Hogwarts

Chapter 30 The Lion and the Badger

Amaris stumbled on, passing doors and portraits that she hardly registered. Her conscious mind was running blindly through a forest of past experiences. She was dimly aware of her shaking limbs and ragged breathing but her body seemed far away, her senses numbed. 

Except for one thing. She could smell the potion. She could taste it. No matter how far away from the library she walked, the scent followed her, vile and heavy and familiar. It was like it was stuck in her throat. It made her feel sick. She wanted to be sick, wanted to expel the feeling and the thoughts from her.

She coughed dryly, the air scraping across her raw throat. In the end, it was this that helped her out of her mind. She focused on that pain, on the feeling of her joints grating together, the sensation of her nerves being used as violin strings. She gritted her teeth at the agony of each step but it brought her back to the present and her vision cleared.

Now calm enough to know where she was, she limped down the nearest narrow corridor. Unable to take another step, Amaris hauled herself onto a wide stone window sill and slumped against the cool glass.

Now that the initial shock had subsided and her senses came back into focus, Amaris remembered what had just happened. She scrunched up her eyes and knocked her head against the glass. She sat there, resigned to remain in her pain and humiliation for eternity.

But she hadn't been there long before she heard approaching footsteps. Rolling her eyes at the thought of another Steffan pep talk, she raised her head and was surprised to see that it was Kim approaching. She gave a little wave and came to sit next to Amaris on the window sill. 

The Hufflepuff sat in silence for a while and then said, "Sorry about that. We read that whole article about you and your dad but we didn't consider what that would mean for you. We just didn't think."

Amaris didn't have anything to say to that and she curled further into the window. She watched as Kim tugged at the sleeve of her cardigan, entwining loose threads around her fingers.

After a moment, Kim broke the silence, "I understand that your experience may have taught you otherwise but not all potions are dangerous or harmful. They can be very helpful, changing people's lives for the better."

"I know that," Amaris gritted out, her angry tone, though directed at herself, caused Kim to shift. "In my head, I know that. But that doesn't stop the fact that the very idea of them being used on me, again…" She sucked in an involuntary gasp, placing a hand over her once again racing heart. 

Her senses were once again flooding with the feeling of rough leather, the flickering of a gas lamp, the bubbling of unknown liquids and the choking fumes of sterilising chemicals. A hand fell on her shoulder. She flinched and her muscles screamed. 

Kim drew back her hand and cleared her throat. "I can't imagine what you've been through," Kim's awkward voice drew Amaris out of her spiral of damned memories and twisted daydreams.

"At first it never seemed so bad," Amaris said, "I always had one night a month when I could escape."

"On the full moon," Kim said, surprise evident in her voice.

"I never understood how others could see it as a curse," Amaris said, her eyes seeing into a cherished time. "For me, it was freedom and power. I could run for miles, anywhere I wanted, leaving all my human problems behind. But then that was taken from me. A month had always felt like an eternity to wait but it was nothing compared to how long these three years have been. All thanks to my father and his elixirs."

Silence filled the space between them. After a moment, Kim wordlessly delved into her bag and drew out a small glass vial. It was identical to the one she had displayed in the library, though this one contained a completely clear liquid that captured and fractured light, causing rainbows to skitter across it. Amaris watched, cautiously, as Kim turned the vial around in her finger and stared thoughtfully into it.