Falling from Grace

THIRTY-TWO

Grace

I had been shot before, It was during my first day in the field. Miller made me cover once before he sent me here, I was shot in the shoulder. It hurt like a bitch.

This burn hurt ten times more than being shot.

Xavier had sent me to see his doctor, he had told me that the burn would heal well. It was done well and was already healing nicely. Of course it didn't feel like it was healing nicely, I had it wrapped but I couldn't wear any tight clothes.

It would kill me off.

Xavier was busy working tonight, he had told me to relax. He had even sent over dinner, I really had fallen for this man. But the sense of looming danger was what scared me most. I hadn't heard from Miller in weeks, this was worse than hearing from him everyday.

I think he knew I was sleeping with Xavier. He must know by now, he wasn't an idiot. I was terrified of what might happen, but I had told myself to not dwell on what hadn't happened yet.

I was finishing off the Chinese food that had been sent over by Xavier. He knew it was my favourite, he knew more about me than I had ever expected. When he walked into that bar, I had never expected to be here with him now.

I had fallen so deeply in love with him, I didn't know how to breath without him. He was my everything, the reason I had felt so happy. I had never been so happy in my entire life, he protected me.

As I head over to the bin with the empty cartons, I hear a knock at the door. Xavier must have finished work earlier than expected, I rush over to the door. As I swing it open I feel my heart stop, all the moisture had drained from my mouth.

Finn.

As in Finn, the man I had a crush on back at the FBI. I almost forgot how to breath for a second, I had no idea why this man was here in front of me.

"W-what are you doing here?" I stutter, it all of sudden hit me. If Xavier walked up the stairs about now; I would be dead. 

I reach out grabbing his collar as I pull him into the apartment and slam the door shut behind him. I turn around to him with a look of shock on my face, I had no idea why he was here. We never even spoke when I sat three desks down from him.

Miller must have sent him.

"Woah chill out Allie" He chuckles, I was not finding this entire situation very funny. If anyone saw him, this would all be over and we would most likely both be killed.

"I will not chill! This is dangerous Finn you can't just come here unannounced" I was rushing around the room making sure all the curtains and blinds were shut.

I couldn't risk being seen, I didn't want to leave this world. I didn't want too leave Xavier, I couldn't be without him. I knew this was a situation I didn't want to be in, I didn't want to choose.

But I was picking Xavier. I would chose him any day of the week. I just wanted him, that was all I cared about.

"Allie" He breaths out, he walked over to me holding my shoulders. "Are you okay?" He asks me.

I had to snap out of this, I had too at least act like I wasn't totally in love with him. If the FBI found out they would shut this entire investigation down, I would lose him without even a second to fight for him.

"Yeah, I'm all good" I breath out. "Sorry, I live on the edge a little here. It's good to see you though really" I smile.

He lets go of me, I take a step back knowing that he was a smart man. He would pick up on anything that I might say about Xavier. I had to okay it cool, play it off as if Xavier meant nothing to me. When in reality, I was completely and utterly in love with him.

I couldn't breath without him, every single moment of my life I was thinking about him. About how he made me feel, how he made my body tense. How I twitched at his touch, how he has made me come harder than anyone else has before.

"Would you like a drink?" I offer.

"Sure"

Finn followed me over to the kitchen, I lean up to the cupboard to get a glass for him. I really don't know why I thought glasses on the top shelf was a good idea. I could hardly reach them and would mostly end up climbing all over the counter.

"Allie what the fuck" Finn comes rushing over to my side.

I shoot my head over to look at him in confusion I wasn't sure why he was shouting at me. I feel his hand come to lift my shirt up slightly revelling my bandaged wound. I feel my eyes widen, I had no idea how to react too this.

I didn't plan on anyone seeing this.

Shit. 

"E-erm" I stutter

"Did he hurt you?" he asks me, he had a look of concern.

"No! no" I defend Xavier, I had to defend him.

He didn't hurt me, I had asked him to hurt me. I wanted to be his forever. I wanted him to know I was his, but Finn seeing this it was never going to end well. Miller would find out soon enough, that would be the end of us.

I had to work damage control right now.

"When I was working at the bar, I walked into the bar top and it was all broken it cut me"

It was a completely unbelievable lie. At the same time it was also believable, there wasn't really a way he could argue with me.

"I forgot you worked there" He laughed, perhaps I had gotten off scott free. "How is being a FBI trained bar maid?" He walked away to a seat at the breakfast bar.

He took a seat as I began to make him a cold beverage. I could finally breath again, now that that conversation was over with. I slid over the glass into his hand, he looked at me. I felt his eyes analysing everything I was doing, he was looking over every part of my face.

"It's hell, but it's worth it for the cause" I fake smile. I knew any normal person would hate this mission, of course I had fallen harder than snow in winter.

"Have you got anything yet?" He asks me, I shrug his question off. I had exactly what they wanted and more, the information Xavier had entrusted  me with would be enough to put him away for two lives.

"He doesn't tell me much, he ushers me out of the room when someone starts to talk" I lie, this couldn't be further from the truth.

I had been told his deepest darkest secrets. I knew things about him his family didn't even know. I was in so deep.

With these questions flying at me, I feel the natural urge to defend him. I also knew I couldn't defend him too much, if at all. I couldn't seem like I was in love with him.

"Miller mentioned you were dating him"

"Fake dating" I correct him, really I was correcting myself.

Soon enough a decision would come and I would have to pick a side. If I chose the FBI I would lose the love of my life, I would be faced with the rest of my life without him. I would never be able too love anyone else again, I knew it sounded dramatic but it was the truth.

If I chose Xavier, I would be arrested for a federal crime. If we ran I would be one of the top FBI most wanted, I would live the rest of my life on the run. We could never start a family, we could never be just us. The scariest of all, I would have to tell him who I really was. He could kill me in a second, really there was no option.

Both ended with enteral misery.