When We're All Used Up

Chapter 10: Physical Recovery

My mom shakes me awake, I can smell fresh Tamales in the air. I stand up making sure I don't hit her, the food smells amazing, so does the house. "Hice algo especial, quiero que comas mejor que allá.", 'I made something special, I want you to want you to eat better than you do over there.', I smile happily, the pain in my leg is getting better, especially because of the smell of the food. I set down utensils and paper towels, my mom starts serving us as I take out water, I walk over to my mom and give her a hug. I wish for this moment to last forever, in a little bubble of memories. But it can't, so I pull away and I pull away, I start ro head over to the table when my mom tells me,"Ya esta lista la comida", 'The foods ready now', I drop off the water and walk over to the kitchen. I grab my plate and set in down on my side of the table. I wait for my mom to sit down with her plate before eating. When she does I obliterate my plate, the food is done before my mom eats half of hers. I stay put and drink my water slowly. "Cuantas personas...", 'How many people...', my mom asks me, I don't even think before I blurt out, "Quince, quince personas.", 'Fifteen, fifteen people', I feel her get slightly uncomfortable at my presence. I think of my first kill, the poor VC soldier, he didn't even look two years older than me. He barely knew how to hold his AK-47, he was holding it with one hand on the pistol grip and one finger on the trigger, and the other hand was holding onto the stock. Then I remember his face, brown eyes, brown, maybe black hair, his lack of equipment was apparent to me. He had one AK, 1 magazine left after reloading twice, and no helmet, or any other protective gear. This screamed that the poor boy was never meant to survive. They likely just chose him because he was an easy person to convince. Just like kitty...this makes me relate to the VC in some weird way. Men on both sides are just brain washed and sent off to the frontlines. Both sides bringing poor boys to the fight for people they likely won't meet. I snap out of my trance to my mom looking at me, waiting for a response. "Mande? Que desistes?", 'Excuse me? What did you say?', I ask her, my face probably looking stupid. "Dije, que vas a ser ya que estás aquí?", 'I said, what are you going to be now that you're here?', my mom told me, it felt weird because I knew what I was going to do, go back to Vietnam. She should know, so I'll tell her. I feel a lump in my throat at first, I'm scared and sad to tell her. But I just let it out, "Voy a regresar a Vietnam-,", 'I'm going to return to Vietnam-',
"QUE?! PORQUE?!", 'WHAT?! WHY?!' my mom cuts me off. I think about it for some time, it feels like time freezes as I do.
"Porque, allí es adonde yo vivo, adonde yo vive realmente", 'Because that's where I live, where I really live.', I defend myself, my Marine self. We finish eating in silence.

[4 Moths Later}

My wound has completely healed, there's no pain anymore, and we're now 3 years into the war. And now, more than ever, the US needs me in Vietnam. I decide that today is the day I join back into the Marines. I walk out and go to the recruiting office.

I see that outside, people are yelling and holding signs that say, {BRING OUR FAMILY HOME!} and {VIETNAM IS NO PLACE FOR BOYS}. I walk up to the office and a protester tells me "YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS, YOU'RE BOUND TO DIE!".
"Yes, I do. And you have no clue how much I want this.", I say this and the protester pushes me back, softly and he tells me,
"YOU DON'T! I WILL NOT LET YOU!". I can't believe this bratty fuck. I walk up to him, he's 6'1", and way taller than my 5'4 self. But I jump and absolutely rock his head, he falls back. All 13 protesters look at me, they start to rush me. I punch and kick and bite them, they all eventually move away but I am in so much pain, not as bad as my gunshot, but it still feels like I'm on fire. I walk into the office and the guy in his Marine Blues uniform looks at me and he says, "Thank you sir, they've been there all day, so, what do you need?". I get my words ready and look at him.

{CHAPTER 10, END}

[I'm sorry that this episode took so long to come out, I've been busy a lot lately but remember that I love you all and thank you so much for reading my bullshit]