When We're All Used Up

Chapter 17: TAKE THIS, COVER ME

[CAUTION]
This chapter deals with suicide, if you are sensitive to this topic, I would recommend you NOT read this chapter and skip to the next. The major plot points of this chapter will be bullet pointed in the following chapter. Thank you, and proceed with caution. -S.C.

I smoke the cigarette, feeling the smoke going into my lungs. It feels weirdly wonderful, but as soon as it is completely smoked I spit it out and step on it, I tell myself that I won't ever smoke again and look around. The rain hits the top of my head and drips down my body. The platoon Sargent walks out of the officer's tent and starts talking.
"TODAY, WE ARE GOING TO MARCH LIKE NO MEN HAVE EVER MARCHED BEFORE.", I roll my eyes and look over at Jackson and Brooke. The platoon Sargent continues,
"TODAY, WE ARE MARCHING ALL THE WAY TO THE AIRFIELD!". I look at everyone standing around. They look excited, more to the fact that we're reaching the airfield early.
"WHEN WE GET THERE, WE WILL STAY THERE UNTIL WE ARE SET TO LEAVE", everyone starts putting apart their tents and we follow along, when we get it all done we wait for the officers to get ready. While we wait some people are huddled around in groups, others are sitting in elevated parts so they can sit and keep their feet dry, and other men are just looking dead ahead into nothingness and I just sit, people watching.
"ALRIGHT MEN, GET HERE AND LINE UP", when we line up we start marching the same direction as yesterday. While we walk most people are talking, some of them are dealing with themselves, and a smaller few are just looking around to find something interesting. I drink out of my canteen and check my gear. I pull a notepad out and write:
———————————————————————
Current gear (12-28-71):
- 1 M-60 Light Machine Gun
- 200ish rounds of 7.62 (my back....)
- 2 ammo belts (full)
- 1 flashlight
- 2 uniforms (both the same)
- 1 pack
- 1 toothbrush
- 1 tube of toothpaste
- 1 pair of boots
- 5 pairs of underwear
- 5 pairs of socks
- 1 canteen
- 1 notepad
- 1 pen (red)
-1 pencil
-1 helmet
-1 permanent marker (black)
(Other random or miscellaneous bits, pieces, and needs)
———————————————————————
I put the notepad away and move along, dragging my feet on the floor in boredom.

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"ALRIGHT EVERYONE, WE'RE TAKING A BREAK! GROUP INTO YOUR SQUADS AND GET BACK HERE IN AN HOUR", the platoon sargent's announcement receives some mixed reviews. Some people enjoy the time off while others complain about the delay. I stay neutral and just drink some water and eat some food. When we get back into line I immediately start thinking about that little girl's face. She had fear in her eyes. Almost everyone's heard of the use of kids in Vietnam, but I've never seen it up close. These assholes. These fucking assholes. There's so much shit happening, but yet we're leaving. I get a moment of clarity, but just as quickly, it leaves. I start jogging at the same pace as we walk. I we continue moving forward until everyone stops. I stay vigilant and quiet. I hear the rustling of foliage to our right, then our left, I can tell that everyone already knows that we are likely surrounded so we start running forward. A few seconds after we start running we hear the CHAK-CHAK-CHAK-CHAK-CHAK-CHAK-CHAK of enemy gunfire. The gunfire rings through the jungle and we keep running, multiple men are struck and wounded. Others are being dragged by men because they can't walk anymore, and others are yelling out in pain. I walk all the way to the right and start shooting and running. It's hard, uncomfortable, and cumbersome, but it's the best we can do. The platoon Sargent pulls a radio operator to him by the shirt. He yells orders into the radio receiver, likely asking for air support. I keep shooting and shooting into the jungle while everyone around me is running, shooting, dying, or already dead. Suddenly, I hear a plane soar overhead, I look up at the behemoth in the sky. The machine guns on the aircraft start spitting out bullets. The bullets ZIP and THWAP on the ground. I run out of ammunition and start reloading. We get to a ditch facing towards the enemy fire, we jump in and lay on your stomachs to avoid enemy fire. Some men leave their stuff and run for the wounded and dead. Others hunker down and shoot at the advancing VC, and I lay on my back, breathing deeply, quickly, and fearfully. I've been in firefights before, but not like this. I've been surrounded before, but I've never felt this much fear. The aircraft overhead keeps up the tracer fire, the men with the dead and wounded return with the men dragged on the floor, dropping them into the ditch as they arrive. I start propping the dead on one side and lining up the wounded against the angled ground facing the VC so they can shoot at them. I keep up the fire until I'm all out of ammunition. I look around and see a dropped ammo box on the ground, I open it and load the ammo belt into the M-60. I hand it to one of the wounded men shooting at the VC and yell,
"TAKE THIS, COVER ME!", he nods and starts using my M-60. I scrounge for any other ammo boxes and hand them to the guy. I look at him in the eyes and give him a nod as I run out to retrieve the bodies. I grab two by their uniforms and pull them into the ditch. I see a familiar face on the distance, it's Brooke. I dash towards him. Bullets rain from the left side. I grab him and hoist him up onto mg back. He grabs a pistol out from his pocket. I look at the M1911 and ask,
"HOW'D YOU GET THAT?!", he yells back,
"FOUND IT ON THE FLOOR, IT WAS DROPPED IN THE COMMOTION", I nod and keep running. When we reach the ditch and I drop him off I look at his wounds. A shot to the leg, one on his forearm, and one that zipped tight through the abdomen. He looks at me and tells me,
"HELP ME!", I grab an extra med pack left by a medic in the ditch and I help him out. I pack his leg and arm wounds with gauze and wrap them in bandages. I do the same with the one in his abdomen but for both sides of his body. I grab my spare tourniquet and reach for his, and I use them on his arm and leg.
"YOU'LL BE OKAY, JUST KEEP PRESSURE ON YOUR ABDOMEN", I yell at him. I take the M1911 he had, I look at him and he nods, I run off to retrieve more bodies shortly after.

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There's no more major gunfire but every once in a while a single shot will ring out and we'll wait. We take a head count and make sure we have everyone, or at least their bodies. I look around and look over to the platoon Sargent and ask,
"Sargent, why don't we just call an evacuation?", he looks at me like I'm an idiot and says,
"This place is a hotspot as far as we know, any EVAC aircraft could be ruined before it even lands or drops its ladder.", he says in a genuine and sincere voice. I can tell he's just as stressed as we are. I look around and wonder how my life could have gone if I never had rejoined the Marines. I find Brooke and Jackson, Jackson keeps helping Brooke and I open up some food from its can and devour it. I place my pack by Brooke and Jackson and pull out my black permanent marker and rip a piece of paper out of my notepad. I walk To the edge of the ditch and wait for a shot to rip out from the trees. As I do I write something down on the piece of paper and draw a target on my head, with my forehead as the bullseye. I put the piece of paper in my chest pocket I hear one and I walk out.
"GET DOWN HERE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING", Jackson asks.
"Mamá, lo siento. Mom, I'm sorry." I say.
"Ya no puedo pelear. I can't fight anymore." I pull out the M1911 I took from Brooke and place the barrel on the bullseye on my forehead. My world slows down. I start squeezing the trigger, it slowly goes down and after a hard squeeze, it fires with a POW, the bullet rips through my head. And I fall to the floor. Lifeless. I'm done with this war.

Thanks, mom, and dad, and you Lyndon B.

[By god, that was an ending, right? But this isn't the end of the series, it's simply an end for Carlos' story. And I apologize to anyone who might have been triggered by the ending. I planned for the 'TAKE THIS, COVER ME' line, and Carlos' death, but the way how he died came to me in a dream (not really), this chapter, or at least the outline, was meant to to be an earlier version of chapter 15 but I decided to postpone it as I didn't want think of an ending. And I also planed for Carlos to die later in the story. But I decided to do it here, so I could choose different characters (feel free to guess). I love you all, and if nobody told you today, the world is a better place with you in it. Good day or night, whichever it may be. L2A]