The Beautiful Ones

21- I Just Need Some Time To Break Down

Alice

“Hey, Mama, are you almost home?” I asked excitedly into the phone.

“Well, baby,” My mom sighed on the other end of the phone on Friday night and I knew that ‘well, baby’ sigh, I’ve heard it a billion times before and I knew exactly what it meant.

“It’s okay.” I assured her like I have a billion times before. She wasn’t coming home like she was planning. I was stupid to think that she was actually going to make it home like she said. “I’m really busy anyway.” That’s a lie.

“I’m really sorry, Alice.” She muttered. “But there’s an emergency in the Beijing shipping areas and they need my help there.”

But I need your help here. I thought to myself but I didn’t say that. I knew that she only travelled so that she could give us the best lives that we could have, and it wasn’t her fault that Beijing messed up. I smoothed out invisible wrinkles in the skirt that I was wearing and sat down on the couch in my bedroom. “Really, it’s okay.” I repeated mechanically. “Good luck with Beijing.” I croaked just before hanging up the phone. I didn’t mean to hang up on my mom and the second after I did it, I felt terrible about it, but I just couldn’t help it. I was going to cry and I didn’t want her to hear it.

Zoey had stayed at her house to do some editing project for her creative writing class so that I could spend some time with my mom, but now that she wasn’t coming, I was alone. I didn’t want to bother Zoey because she needed to get her work done, so I just sat down on my couch before I decided that I should tell Patrick that she wasn’t coming home since he was looking forward to it too.

I got up, slipping off my heels before walking to the door of my room. I was dressed up kind of fancy for my mother’s arrival, but now- I just felt silly in the mature pastel dress.

“Patrick, she’s not coming.” I announced, banging on the wooden door to his bedroom.

Almost instantaneously, he opened the door. “No surprise there.” He told me matter of factly, yet he was still wearing a nice shirt, nice jeans and a tie.

“You’re dressed up, don’t tell me that you thought she’d bail.” I grumbled.

“I knew she’d bail, Alice.” He corrected me. “But maybe someday I’ll be wrong and she’ll actually be here. And when that day comes, I will be wearing this damn tie. Besides, this outfit has multiple purposes. I’m going out.”

I sighed, rolling my eyes, I marched away from the door. I guess he was right, I think that’s what I do too, I’m just not honest to myself about it. I know that she won’t make it when she says that she will, I know that these surprise visits are just hopeless, but I get dressed up anyway in hopes that this time I’m wrong. Maybe this time, she’ll actually be there.

But that day hasn’t come yet and I don’t think it ever will, to be honest.

Once I got back to my room, I quickly got changed into shorts and a tank top and then sat down on the cozy couch in my room, playing Sleeping Beauty. I grabbed a notebook that I pulled out of my desk drawer and a pencil and I began writing with Sleeping Beauty acting as background noise.

Dear Lance,

I know you won’t get this for a really long time, and I actually might not even mail it at all. Zoey’s not here and you’re the only other person that I can talk to about this stuff and right now, I really just need to talk to you. I miss you so much, Lance. Anyway, as I started writing this letter, I realize how utterly ridiculous my complaints sound against yours.

While you’re away, dodging bombs and bullets and just trying to stay safe, I’m sitting on my couch watching Sleeping Beauty and I’m crying because my mom is too busy making millions for her family to come visit for the weekend.