All About Revenge (#1) [NOT EDITED]

Chapter 12 - letting him/me GO !

Katherine POV

I am trying to open my eyes , but i'm failing miserably  , I finally managed to open them but then directly closed them because of the bright color in the room.

Beep , Beep , Beep..

That's all what i was able to hear. What is this voice ? Where the hell am I ?

I tried to open my eyes again and then i was met with a white ceiling , i looked around me everything was white , machines are beeping beside me and the noise is driving me crazy and this headache is getting worse and my stomach is aching so much !

What happened ? Why I am in a hospital ?

And then it all came back to me , from Caleb knocking on my door , coming to the hospital and then ... Then Chase !!

"Katherine stop ! He is not okay ! He is not ! He passed away Katherine, we lost Chase ! We lost him"
Caleb's words start replaying in my mind with non-stop and every word was like a knife stabbing my heart...

I still cant believe this, big part of me is rejecting the idea, part of me is in Denial.

I felt my breathing getting heavier and my head spinning , all kind of emotions are invading me , sadness , angry, sorrow, regret,...
I felt as if the room will collapse on me, i felt like just getting out of her , i just need some fresh air.

I looked around , no one was there , i tried to get up and free myself from all the machines attached to me , but i was struggling, my back is hurting like i broke a muscle and the burning in my belly is killing me, and then reality hit me , my baby ! I heard cara screaming BLOOD before i fainted , and this feeling now !

No no no no ! It cant be , life cant be that cruel , i cant lose my baby , the only thing that is left from Chase , i cant !

I tried with all my power to get out of the bed , i want someone to tell me what happened , to tell me if my child is okay ! Anyone !

"Where are you going ?" I know this voice , i turned my back to be face to face with Caleb's worried eyes. He looked miserable, his eyes are red like hell , his hair looks like he passed his hands through like a billion times.

"How is my child ? Is he okay ? Did anything happen to my baby ??!" I asked pleading him for an answer ,tears streaming out of my eyes with non-stop.

Caleb tensed up and  looked away avoiding eye contact with me and kept silence without uttering a single word.

"Caleb please ! Please answer me , please tell me my child is okay , he is the only thing i have now , please answer me.." When he didn't answer me , i knew the answer but this is too much , i cant handle all this, i cant lose everyone, i cant take it anymore , i have no one left, i have no hope to hold on it ! 

"I'm sorry Katherine, i'm so sorry but you had a miscarriage, your body couldn't handle the shock you faced.." He said holding my arms tightly.

When the words came out of his mouth ,I couldn't control it anymore , I broke down crying so hard and sobbing , I start saying words i don't even understand..

"I cant , i just cant.. Please make it stop ! It hurts too much , please !
I lost him , i lost my baby , i lost my parents , i lost my brother ,i have no one left , i have nothing left , i cant go on with my life anymore.
I'm afraid , i'm so afraid , i'm alone.." Caleb hugged me tightly trying to sooth the pain , but i kept on crying and sobbing so loud , i was breaking down , i lost everyone , with everyone dying, a part of me was dying too, and i don't think there is any parts left anymore.

I lost them ! But i lost myself too !

There is no one to live for anymore, no hope to hold into, no secure place i can run to when i feel unsafe...There is no reason to stay alive anymore, nothing at all.

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"....He was not just a friend , he was the brother i didn't have. I was the only kid my parents had , and my dad and mom were always working and busy , so i was always lonely but Chase was there for me , he was the only friend i had , and i was the closed type of kids , i didn't open up for everyone , i wasn't that friendly yeah !
But Chase has his ways that made me get close to him and open up easily , since then he was the only friend i care about , the only brother i love !
His sense of humor , his smile and he always had his ways in making people
Laugh,and that smirk was alway stuck on his face ! " Caleb smiled and shook his head " I'm going to miss him a lot , it is hard to move on with my life knowing he is not beside me , it will be hard to go to work , sit in my office knowing that Chase is not in the room beside mine ! It is hard because he'll not be the first one to know when i'll fall in love , because i was the first to know when he found his girl.." He paused for a moment and his eyes were focused on me now " ..the girl that made the guy who doesn't believe in love fall for her, she changed him , made him feel things he never know they exist,she made him better .. He loved you so much Katherine and he was ready to start a family with you but.." I was trying my best not cry in this day ,but i couldn't resist it when those words came out of Caleb's mouth , a tear slipped out of the corner of eyes, i cant stay here anymore , i stood up and went out of the room before breaking in front of everyone !

Caleb's eulogy brought all the memories i was trying to burry deep inside , I decided not to cry today to show everyone that i'm strong so they wont suspect anything , because at the end of this day it will all go away !
All the pain will go away !

It was time to say our last goodbyes before the burial, I entered the room , every step i was making my heart was aching harder, i arrived beside the coffin , this was so hard , harder than i thought !

"You lied to me ! You promised that this .." I pointed between him and me "..that this is going to be forever, but you lied Chase you went without even saying goodbye , without holding my hand and feeling its warmth for the last time , you just left me like that !
Do you know the pain i feel now , i didn't just lose you , i also lost our child , the only thing that would give me hope or would let me move on , i lost it too ! I have no one left anymore , and this is killing me , you not existing in my life is killing me , but i know how to end this pain !
And don't you dare hate me for what i'm going to do, when my parents died , half part of me died too , and when you.." I couldn't say that word , even now i still cant say it "... When you left me the second half that was left died too !
So i'm not alive anymore , i will never be able to move on , or to let you go, i don't have a hope to hold into it, so there is no reason to stay alive anymore!" I said after whipping the tears away and started walking out of the room , but i stopped midway , looked behind me for the last time , I closed my eyes and whispered " I love you Chase , And I will always will ".

I took a deep breath after leaving the room , it is time to do it now ,But first i have to make sure everyone i know is busy and not looking after me .
I peeked into the room where they were gathering and i saw all of them there , Caleb,Cara , Chase's family..

I went to toward that small supply room i've seen earlier , no one will suspect i'll be there , I went inside closing the door behind me , and i got the sharp knife from under the counter were i've hided it earlier. I looked one last time in the mirror then hold the knife close to my wrist.
Okay this is the time for it !
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