The Deathless Trilogy

2.8. The Drain

By the time the sounds of celebration die down below us, I have changed into my pajamas—a grey tunic and black cotton capris—removed the colors from my face, and washed the stiffness from my hair. I'm ready to leave and meet Nina in the bathroom, when I realize that once I leave, I won't come back to Daniel's room.

"Did you ask to switch me and Celia yet?" I ask when I reach the door.

Daniel stands from his desk. He's been working on plans for his gamma ray detectors while I washed up. "Not yet," he says, coming toward me.

I can't help but groan, "Daniel."

"I know. I'll do it tomorrow during work hours. I didn't get a chance to talk to Mitchell at the party before we left. Besides, Celia's not ready for that tonight. She's not as strong as you. When I break it to her, I want her to be ready. She's been through a lot."

"Like what?" I ask. Have I not been through a lot as well? Did I not almost die getting here?

"I don't know if she'd appreciate me telling you her stories. Ask her sometime when you hang out."

"Sure," I say, though I don't mean it. I don't want to be, but I'm too jealous to care about Celia. At this point, she's just the girl who's been holding my place; but now that I'm here, it's time for her to move on. "She's not staying in here tonight," I say. "She can stay with me in the Comforter's quarters."

"That's fine," he says, giving me some relief.

"Okay," I say.

He takes my hand and rubs his thumb over my skin, but I'm still unsure of how I should behave around him. Do I hold him back? Or should I be cautious since he's technically a leader here? Leaders can become corrupt. The entire estate has seen this first hand, especially the Comforters. I don't want to acknowledge the jobs for women here—I'm not an object to be passed around—but Daniel has a point: We need to stay low key if we want to get out of here. But even if we leave, won't there still be animosity between the Deathless and the government? Won't there still be mindless cyborgs to liberate?

No matter what Daniel and I do, we will never be free of this place until it's destroyed. My stomach churns at the thought. What if I can't liberate these people? I wonder. I am not sure I can be the hero these people need.

I take a deep breath and shake the thoughts from my mind, "I'm nervous. I feel stupid. I could have gotten us in serious trouble tonight. Irreversible trouble. I'm just... scared, I guess."

"Me too," he admits. He was always the strong one, but here, in this situation, we are finally equals.

"I should go," I say, sighing my anxiety away. I finally return his embrace, wrapping my arm around his waist and stepping close to him. I press my cheek into his chest, listening to his heart beat as I ask, "It's got to be close to midnight by now, isn't it?"

He checks his watch. "11:50. Wait here, just another 10 minutes. We've been away from each other too long already."

I step back to see his face, and he combs his fingers through my damp hair, like muscle memory from before he was taken, when that was the only way he knew to tell me he loved me. "I don't want to be alone until I have to be," he says.

Alone. My mind pauses on that word. I don't want to be alone until I have to be. Alone, like I thought I would be once the Prowlers got my mom. Alone, like my mom and I were after they were taken. After Daniel left the house by choice. After I was left searching our land for him, finding nothing but his gun. The memories sting.