The Deathless Trilogy

1.22. Brutal Honesty

The person drags me from the chamber, and back into the Captain's dining room. I kick my legs and scream underneath their hold. I try to bite the person's hand, but their grip on my mouth is so tight, I can barely move my lips. I try frantically to hit them, but their free arm quickly restrains me.

The person drags me to the couch and throws me against the cushions. That's when their hand returns to my mouth, and in the moonlight, I can clearly see who it is: Alexander.

I try to scream for help, but his hand still presses tightly against my lips.

He growls, "Shut up, shut up!"

My heart is pounding, but I catch my breath long enough to stop making any noise. Alexander lifts his hand from my face.

"Why are they frozen?" I yell, and Alexander returns his hand to my mouth.

He whispers, "Keep your voice down, Isla. Please."

I nod my head, disarmed by his sudden softness, and he slowly removes his hand again. He lifts himself from the kneeling position in front of me and sits in one of the armchairs, lifting the goggles from his eyes. Even in the moonlight I can tell how dark they are, like they are actually chasms down which his past has fallen. They remind me of Declan's eyes. They've seen more than they'd like to.

"Two of us freeze ourselves each night, while the third person stays outside of the chambers to undo the process in the mornings. We take turns. It's an adapted use of the cryogenic chambers."

"Why?" I nearly shout.

He puts his finger to his mouth to remind me to keep my voice down. "By freezing our cells, we are able to slow the aging process, so we can live longer. It's self-preservation."

"You people are sick."

He ignores me and continues, "What did you see?" I furrow my brows in confusion. "On the table, what did you see?"

"Why should I tell you anything?" I ask, more bitterly than I intended.

He nods to himself. "You saw the list of survivors, then?"

I want to remain strong and keep quiet like Declan told me to, but my resolve breaks. "Why wouldn't you tell me? Why wouldn't you tell Declan about Hugh?"

"The same reason we asked Mitchell to program your mother to die in each immersion."

"Why would you ask Mitchell to program my mom to die?" I ask, raising my voice.

He puts his finger to his lips again, and I have the sudden urge to smack it away. Don't tell me to shush now, I think.

"Because you become a weapon when you're angry. We are trying to condition you to feel angry during the attack, so that you can be trusted to get to the President."

"I'm not a dog. You can't train me," I say.

"I know," he says, turning his eyes to the floor in shame.

There's so much about this I don't understand. "If you know, then why don't you take me off President-killer duty? Why is it so important that it's my job? Anyone is perfectly capable of—"

"—we are using you," he says matter-of-factly, like I shouldn't be offended. Like I shouldn't use one of the moves Nate taught me to beat this man up.

Alexander shakes his head in the apparent realization that he's crossed the line. "I'm sorry to put it that way, but it's true. We knew if we told you about your family you wouldn't remain focused in the attack. You may abandon your duty and search for them instead. We've been watching you, Isla, and we've observed that while you are motivated by fear, you are more motivated by love for your family. We couldn't risk it."