Perks Of Being A Cancer Patient

Chapter 2: Pull The Plug

Again in the same position I was in yesterday and watching the same tv show but this time eating graham crackers with water. Oh the excitement of not knowing what's gonna happen next always keeps me awake. I sit in bed wondering what's for snack tomorrow, is it saltine or graham crackers, oh the world may never know.

All I do is have sarcastic monologues until someone talks to me and even then I'm sarcastic and condescending therefore I don't have many friends in here. Except for today my best friend Adan was coming to visit me like she does everyday except yesterday because her mom and dad went out so she was stuck babysitting her 2 year old brother.
Adan and I been friends since 8th grade up until now the end of freshmen year. It hasn't been long but friendship Isn't measured by length it's measured by compatibility I like to think. She's the only one who can put up with my mood swings and shit. Also she's like my model. You see, before I was diagnosed with Cancer me and her would always go clothes, jewelry and makeup shopping and since my clothes are all at home and unworn I tell her to wear them so I can imagine how cute I'd look in her shoes.
If you think we couldn't get any closer well you're wrong. She and I are both Aquarius and I was born February 12 and she was born on the 17th therefore we slay. We both like the same bands, music, movies, food (except chicken cause I hate chicken) and ambition. Her and I had big plans to move into a apartment in Manhattan or Brooklyn NY because we fonded over NY. We also want to go to college but the only difference is I think she'll actually succeed in life.

Yet another perk of cancer, I didn't think I'd be successful and I was scared I'd embarrass myself in front of her in the future and now that I have cancer the chances of jumping back to good health and embarrassing myself is slim to none.

It would be one hell of a good thing for me if I can share my wish with Adan, she deserves it. We were totally alike except for the fact she was one year behind me but in the same grade. I stayed back once and I was insecure about that but I now can cope with it and look and around and see people are much like me.

I waited checking the time on my TV then huffed at the fact that my parents haven't came and gone yet. I'm aloud 2 people in my room at a time and I want Adan to be here long until closing hours but thats taking for ever since my parents haven't come and got this little meet and greet out the way.

I was going to call my nurse Ms.Questa to contact my mom but two familiar voices filled my ears.

Oh yippee, my parents.

My nurse led them in then closed the door behind her when she left. "Hi baby! You're looking better." My mom lied happily. The fact that she tried to cheer me up and make me believe I was getting better made me upset for the simple fact that there is no use of lying. Im aware my skin is now paler then before and i look like i had all the oxygen sucked out of me so there is no need to lie. My mom skipped over and hugged me making sure not to bump or pull at any wires or tubes but I was hoping she'd accidently pull the plug. I buried my chin on her shoulder and she did the same for me except she rubbed my back comforting me.

I felt her tear rolled down my back and that's when my insensitive and rude demeanor cracked.
Being alone in the room can often makes me forget that having cancer yourself isn't as much of an eye opener until you see how it affects everyone else.
I mean it must be a horrendously uncomfortable feeling when you know your daughter, your bestfriend, your niece, cousin, granddaughter, or school mate is going to die by cancer.

It's nothing like getting shot and boom your dead, grieving period, funeral, and back to normal. No this is cancer. It's more like finding out your sick, knowing your going to die and can't do a single thing about it, seeing people in horrible condition, grieving until however long you have them. more grieving after your death, funeral then back to normal.

In some cases if shot you can get paranoia because you can possibly assume someone can be after you but everything can be solved like getting a bodygaurd, your own gun or restraining order but if you have cancer in your family it could possibly be hereditary and you can't protect yourself from you, it's something internal.

"Hey pumpkin, I bought you some flowers." My dad said shakingly handing me my flowers and staring at me in such horrible condition. His bottom lip quivered and eyes wide like a dear in the headlights until he quickly hugged my other side that my mom wasn't latched on too.

It's like different degrees of sympathy for my parents. Like on a scale from 1-10 I sympathize for my mommy is at a 9.5 and for my dad it's a 10.

|--1---2---3---4---5---6---7---8---9--○--10●--|

Key: ○=mom ●=dad

Understand that? Good.

What I mean is me and my dad have a tight relationship. I was mommy's little angel but most importantly I was daddy's little girl and I can almost hear him say "I lost my little girl to cancer" over and over in my head.
I dread when they come but when they are officially here I'm always begging for them to stay longer. Even if I didn't even want them to come they would still come with usual sloppy sandwiches and grape soda because they constantly worried if I ate and If I was full.
They reminded me why I didn't pull the plug myself. I'd miss them to much.
"Youre so beautiful." My dad sniffed almost making me cry so I pulled away and fanned my eyes. "We can't keep crying every time we see each other, it's defeating the purpose of me doing my makeup." I laughed trying to play off the tears. My parents laughed with me and gave me a kiss on my forehead