Always the Bride

27. Important decisions

Hi guys, me again! Apologies once again for the delay. Last week was crazy at work (lots and lots of overtime) then this week I've been sick. Anyway, better late than never. Enjoy the new chapter. Let me know what you think. :)

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Lying in bed, staring up at the ceiling, I can’t help but wonder why my life has turned out this way. Addictions are weird things. A smoker knows smoking will eventually kill them but it doesn’t necessarily stop them from doing it

 It’s the same with my addiction. I know what I’m doing could quite possibly get me into trouble but I can’t bring myself to stop, especially with this bottled up bitterness. The euphoria I get from opening those amazing gifts is too much. It’s as thrilling as getting a high from smoking.

Of course, if I fell in love with someone who truly felt the same way, then it’s quite possible I wouldn’t need the high. Despite what Marcus did to me, one thing is certain. I didn’t truly love him. I’m more hurt by how he acted when we broke up

What’s caused this sudden ponding, you ask? In one word…Gregory.

Late last night, after I returned from Jamie’s, he called around unexpectedly. Thankfully I had just changed out of my disguise when he arrived.

He didn’t come to beg me back like last time, although I could see in his eyes he wanted to. Rather it was to get me to sign some papers. They were papers that would soon make me free of him. No, not a divorce. An annulment. Even though we were married for six months, he said he had contacts and could get it annulled.

I’m not so bothered about the annulment, in fact I’m quite excited about that. It means I, as in Teresa, won’t have a divorce against my name. It’s a fresh start in a sense. It works well with saving my virginity for that special someone. What bothers me most is the reason for it. Gregory’s decided to apply for it on the grounds that one of the party, that party being me, didn’t give my real consent.

While this isn’t true, I did give my consent, it is the easiest and quickest way to be legally apart. If we applied for divorce, it would be a year before it came through.

It feels so wrong though and what hurts most is knowing Gregory doesn’t want to do it. I’m not dumb, his body language said it all, not to mention the way he wouldn’t even keep eye contact with me. He kept his composure, got me to sign the papers then left. Bless him.

After he left I had this overwhelming feeling to run after him and make our marriage work. After all that’s the right and moral thing to do. Of course I didn’t and I need to stop being so sentimental about it. I’ve made my choices and I’m not going back. This addiction helped me control my emotions over Marcus. If I give it up, I won’t be able to keep my bitterness hidden anymore.

You might be wondering why I’m not over Marcus yet, especially after our confrontation. Well the truth is, I don’t know why. For some reason I’m still clinging on what he did to me and I can’t let go.

You’re such a loser, Teresa. Get over it already.

With an exasperated sigh, I roll on to my side and reach for my phone. Groaning, I put the phone down and throw myself onto my back again. It’s only six in the morning. I’ve still got six hours until I’m due at the registry office. What to do, what to do.

Staring at the ceiling again, my mind wanders to my encounter with Jamie last night. A small smile tugs at the corners of my lips as I remember his kiss. I don’t want to remember it but I can’t help it. He’s an expert kisser, that’s for sure. Having kissed him twice now, I can’t help but want to do it again. Every girl likes a good kisser, even if there are no feelings there.